THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, October 29, 1995 TAG: 9510250054
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: HE SAID, SHE SAID
SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY & DAVE ADDIS
LENGTH: Medium: 89 lines
DAVE SAYS:
Kay, my fiancee, was telling me the other day that she'd seen something on the news about a whole town somewhere that had banned the sale of eggs to anybody under age 18. At least until Halloween was over.
The object, she said, was to try to keep eggs out of the hands of marauding young boys who in past Halloween celebrations had pelted cars and houses to the point that everybody in town dreaded seeing the leaves change in October.
I thought that was fairly extreme, and she did too, but she said everybody at the gym where they heard the news report pretty much agreed. Many of them, it seems, had had the experience of trying to clean slimy, rotting egg residue from their cars and siding.
Then came the slammer: It was boys, Kay said, who had all the fun at Halloween. They were the ones who were toilet-papering trees and soaping windows and were free to enjoy all that low-grade Halloween mayhem. Girls dressed up like ballerinas and angels and were escorted house to house by vigilant fathers with industrial-strength flashlights.
Funny thing was, Kerry, I detected a weird sort of envy in her voice. It wasn't that she disapproved of any of that stuff; it just seemed that she was still carrying a grudge because none of the boys ever invited her along when they were kids.
We never really resolved it because I changed the subject - mama didn't raise no fools. But I have to confess that when I thought back to Halloweens in my neighborhood, I had no memory of little girls even existing that night. Not even my sister. I haven't the faintest clue of what they were doing on Oct. 31 all those years. The night, indeed, belonged to the boys.
We weren't particularly bad kids, and we had a code of honor: We only vandalized a place if nobody was home. The only reason for an adult to be away on Halloween, we figured, was that they were too cheap to buy us candy. So we made 'em pay.
And we only used soap on their windows, never candle wax. Soap would wash off, but wax required scraping with a razor blade. Our punishment was meant to fit their crime, and wax would have been excessive.
Maybe I'm from an ancient time, Kerry, but it just seemed right. I know I'm not supposed to think this way, being an enlightened '90s kind of guy and all that, but I still can't think of how the night could have been any better if we'd added girls to the mix.
KERRY SAYS:
Low-grade Halloween mayhem, Dave? And I suppose you refer to drive-by shootings as urban target practice.
Jeffrey Dahmer got his start egging houses, you know. The next thing you know he was frying up a few biceps with his eggs.
At the risk of sounding like some kind of Halloween party pooper, I disagree with Kay. I never felt anything but pure hatred for Billy Nolan and his band of marauding pumpkin smashers in our neighborhood. (Ah, Billy Nolan, wonder where he is now - Parchman State Prison in Mississippi? The U.S. Senate?)
I never wanted to join these juve nile delinquents on their annual reign of terror. Still don't, Dave.
Even if you look back with nostalgia on Halloweens of the 1950s when you were a nipper, you've gotta admit things have changed. In Detroit, Devil's Night, as they call Halloween eve, sees scores of fires all over the area. Low-grade Halloween mayhem? I think not.
In other parts of the country, people have been warned to keep their kitty cats inside as Oct. 31 approaches - some of the fun-loving satan-worshiping neighborhood kids might just set little Pussy on fire - just for laughs.
My parents spent years instilling a reverent sense of respect for private property in my brother and me. We didn't cut across other families' lawns, we never littered, and come Halloween, our main goal was to accumulate as many Snickers bars as possible in the hours between dusk and 8 p.m.
I think the question of whether a municipality can deprive youngsters of their constitutional right to keep and bear eggs is secondary to the bigger question of what parents are doing as their little ones are heading out the door armed with toilet paper and eggs - glued to the set watching ``America's Funniest Home Videos''?
I'm not in league with all these religious types who want to ban Halloween altogether. By putting on costumes and ringing doorbells, children engage in what we used to call neighborly-ness. But when it comes to vandalism, be it with eggs or spray paint, I'm happy I missed that part of my socialization.
And I humbly submit that early acts of juvenile delinquency by boys - tolerated because they occur between Oct. 30 and 31 - might help explain why our prisons are filled to overflowing with males. MEMO: Kerry Dougherty can be reached at 446-2302, and via e-mail at
kerryd(AT)infi.net. Dave Addis can be reached at 446-2588, and
addis(AT)infi.net. by CNB