THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, November 5, 1995 TAG: 9511040002
SECTION: COMMENTARY PAGE: J5 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: LYNN FEIGENBAUM
LENGTH: Medium: 88 lines
Looking at Thursday's folded Daily Break, readers saw the top half of a loving photo - a woman hugging and comforting her bedridden mother. Unfolding the section, they got a reality check. The 85-year-old mother, a victim of Alzheimer's disease, was bare-legged and in diapers.
The photo appeared with two stories on caregivers - parents and children who care for ailing members of their family. But the three dozen readers who called in had little to say about the text.
Gail Taylor's reaction was typical. She thought it was ``very, very irresponsible'' to run the photo.
``I see two very close people, their faces are beautiful, the needlepoint of Jesus over the bed is fine, but (showing) her in the diaper is absolutely degrading. . . .''
Like others who called, Taylor is no stranger to caregiving; she once cared for her ailing mother-in-law at her Norfolk home. ``They need their dignity,'' she said.
The D-word, ``dignity,'' came up with virtually every comment. Why, I was asked repeatedly, didn't they cover up the mother with a blanket or just crop the photo?
``Just because she has Alzheimer's and is not mentally capable of saying, `No, I don't want this in the newspaper,' it doesn't mean that we have the right to invade her privacy like that,'' said Sandi Holton, mother of two young children. ``I don't think you'd want your picture taken in a diaper and put on the cover of the newspaper.''
What I wouldn't want is Alzheimer's, and maybe that's what makes the scenario so frightening.
I'll admit I was startled, even disturbed by the photo. I didn't find it easy to look at the rumpled bed, the diapers and the bare, frail legs. But doesn't that tell us something about caregiving? That it's more than just holding someone's hand and mopping their brow?
``It's reality,'' said John Skirven of the photo. Skirven is executive director of SEVAMP, the local area agency on aging, and he called in after SEVAMP fielded calls about the photo.
``I took care of my own mom and that's what it's like sometimes,'' said Skirven. ``What that photo does is drive it home and that's why people reacted so much. People are afraid of being sick and old. I'm 45 and us middle-aged kids have got to face it.''
Still, there was discussion at the newspaper over whether to run the whole photo.
``These are tragic stories,'' said features editor Denis Finley. ``There's no way to pretty them up and hide the reality.''
Not everyone agreed, so Finley asked photographer Steve Earley to take a print to show Marion Deneen, the daughter. She had no problem then or after it appeared Thursday.
``I was very touched with it,'' Deneen told reporter Debra Gordon, who relayed readers' criticism of the photo. ``It was beautiful. . . . If there was dignity to be lost, she lost that a long time ago with the Alzheimer's and what that did to her. . . . It was a loving picture, I felt.''
Obviously, she and photographer Earley were on the same wavelength. ``Coping with any disease or disability as best you can defines dignity,'' he said, ``and that's what this woman and her mother were doing.''
Earley, a 38-year-old father of two, said he recalls that when he was younger, parents hid away children with cancer who had lost their hair to chemotherapy. Today, it's a badge of courage.
Certainly, people aren't hiding them in the closet anymore, he said - an attitude that needs to be extended toward Alzheimer's and its ravages.
``What is so wrong with wearing a diaper?'' asked Earley. ``Is there anything wrong with taking shots, taking medicine? They're just ways of coping, and I don't think we should pass judgment on one way of coping as being bad or degrading.''
Obviously, not everyone is going to agree on this. Suzanne Jacobson of Virginia Beach, a delegate to the White House Conference on Aging last May, was appalled by the photo, and she's no stranger to photographing senior citizens. Her specialty is portraying active seniors in their 80s and 90s.
Jacobson said her goal is, through photography, ``to encourage people to understand the good part of getting older'' and she would never have shown an ailing person in diapers.
But there's a downside to aging, too, and it's all part of the reality. I don't think we can ignore either side.
END OF GRIDLOCK. A reminder for readers young and old: The new daytime TV listing debuted in yesterday's green sheet, a complete (except for infomercials) listing of all Monday-Friday shows from 5 a.m. to 7 p.m. You can call me with comments or dial INFOLINE at 640-5555, category 3000. MEMO: Call the public editor at 446-2475, or send a computer message to
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