THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, November 5, 1995 TAG: 9511050059
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: ELIZABETH SIMPSON
LENGTH: Medium: 64 lines
My 2-year-old was doing what's known in our family as ``The Gracie Flop'' during drop-off time at the day-care center.
She was stretched out on the floor, her back arched, her feet kicking, her arms flinging out in six directions, and a single sentiment spilling from her down-turned mouth: ``Leave me 'LONE.''
I felt I owed her teacher some explanation, so I gave her the short answer: ``I forgot her bear.''
Which was true. But the long answer was something more like this:
``Her grandfather is having bypass surgery today, so my husband and I are worried, and we must have been short with her this morning. Plus I have a million things to do at work today so I'm preoccupied with that, and maybe I didn't listen closely enough to her. And she wanted to shut the door to the car this morning and I wouldn't let her because we were running late, and she got mad about that and cried all the way here. And that's why she's flopped down like that. Oh, yeah, did I mention I left her bear at home today?''
But that answer didn't occur to me until long after my daughter's rage had passed. Who could have heard the explanation anyway, over all that screaming?
I didn't come up with the full answer until I started thinking: ``Gee, isn't it weird how kids act up at the worst times? When you're feeling scared. When you're under pressure. When you're in a hurry. When you have a million things to worry about.''
The answer is no, it isn't weird at all. Because children are as likely to reflect what's going on in their parents' lives as they are their own.
An angry kid, whether it's a toddler in the throes of a tantrum or a teenager slamming the door, is nothing new in the world. But it seems like there's a lot more anger out there.
Why?
The short answer is this: Kids blow up easier.
The long answer is this: More parents must work today. Families have less time together, more money woes. There are more problems with drugs and alcohol. There's more divorce. Fewer support systems. More family strife. Less time to sort it all out.
``Kids have more stress in their lives,'' said Larry Grossman, associate administrator of The Barry Robinson Center, a residential treatment center for emotionally disturbed children. ``Everyone is so busy. Parents don't have the time to take with kids because they're out there working.''
Anger is rarely all that meets the eye. Underneath the rage is usually frustration, or a lack of self-esteem, or a need for attention.
``A lot of times parents will try to make up for not spending time with a child by loosening up the rules,'' Grossman said. ``But kids need firmness. They need consistency. You can't make up for a lack of attention by giving in to everything.''
I know I'm often guilty of those offenses. The next time Gracie is doing The Flop, I'll take more time to find out what's bugging her. And start by figuring out what's bothering me. MEMO: Learn more about helping an angry child during a free two-part lecture.
The first part _ ``Why Are Our Children Angry?'' _ will be Wednesday
from 7 to 8:30 p.m. at the Brickhouse Auditorium at Children's Hospital
of The King's Daughters. The second part _ ``Anger Management'' _ will
be Nov. 14 from 7 to 8:30 p.m. at The Barry Robinson Center. Call
668-7500 for reservations and information for both. by CNB