THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, November 15, 1995 TAG: 9511150061
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 82 lines
QUITE A FEW readers - bless 'em - have written to pass along Southernisms after reading the column on ``You know you're a Southerner if . . . ''
Tom Carter of Virginia Beach provided me with a list that begins, ``You know you are a native of Arkansas if . . . '' He says the list was originally for residents of West Virginia, then adds, ``But being a loyal Razorback, I changed it so I could laugh at myself.''
Here are a few of Carter's items.
Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
The diploma in your den includes the words ``Trucking Institute.''
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
Marilyn Rosenfeld of Norfolk has three good ones. She says you know you're a Southerner when:
A grit is something edible, not something you're made of.
You know that spoon bread isn't eaten with a spoon.
The sound of cicadas means that summer has truly begun.
Jo Howren of Virginia Beach explained that she could only send a few items because she was preparing for her daughter's wedding. Nice of her to take the trouble, I enjoyed the whole list. Here are a few:
You can't visit friends or family without taking something to them (preserves, tomatoes from your garden, etc.) And you're not allowed to leave without being given something to taken home.
You have at least one houseplant that is a descendant of one given to you by a great-grandmother. (Jo says hers is a Christmas cactus.)
Soup is not soup without okra.
Christmas isn't Christmas without someone saying, ``Christmas gift!'' and hearing the only appropriate response: ``Han' Itcheer.''
Speaking of soup, Nancy Miller says her Southernism may be more Virginian than Southern, but she offers: ``It must be Christmas morning if there's oyster stew on the breakfast table.''
David Glandorf of Grafton also came up with some winners that reveal if you are a Southerner:
You know the difference between a ``chopped'' or ``pulled'' barbecue sandwich.
You get dressed up to go visit friends and neighbors at the grocery store.
The family dog is named for a deceased loved one.
There is no difference between family and neighbors.
You are 40 years old and still refer to your parents as ``Momma'' and ``Daddy.''
You go fishing just to spend time with your son.
Jack Tillett of Wanchese, N.C., only sent one, but it's re-yuhl good. He writes: ``You know `you all' is singular' and `all you all' is plural.'' Thanks, Jack.
Ethel White of Chesapeake says you know a person is a Southerner if he uses the word ``ill'' to denote bad conduct, as in: ``My son was ill this morning. I had to wallop him and then carry him to school.''
Nice note from Kitty Lassiter of Boykins. She says you know a person is Southern if he uses ``boot'' as a substitute for ``trunk'' when referring to part of a car. And if he believes the chicken crosses the road to prove to a opossum it can be done.
Walter Askew of Eure, N.C., questions my Southern credentials and fears I am either a ``wannabe'' or ``a city boy who never went to school barefooted a day in your life.''
I got a kick out of Mr. Askew's letter, but I confess he and I part company on some of the remote but edible pig parts he mentions below. He includes:
Peeled your sweet potato at the table whenever you were ready to eat it.
Enjoyed the following foods: pig tails, pig ears, pig feet, chitterlings, souse meat, crackling bread, dandoodle (called Tom Thumb in Virginia) flour bread, pork brains or long tongue (pig's pancreas.)
Had a pregnant woman walk over your bean seeds to assure you got a bountiful crop.
Used a piece of homemade soap and a meat skin to draw a boil to a head.
Bless every pea-pickin' one of y'all who took the trouble to write. I got a chuckle or smile out of every letter, note and card. by CNB