THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, November 20, 1995 TAG: 9511180078
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 76 lines
EVER WONDER WHAT it would be like to be a president's daughter? Hmmm.
Wonder what the phone conversations are like?
Amy: Hi. It's me. What's going on over at your house?
Chelsea: Same old stuff. Socks went to sleep on my best black sweater and left cat hair all over it. The dentist spent two hours fixing my braces. Then I talked on the phone with the man at Random House who is going to publish my book.
Amy: How's the book coming?
Chelsea: OK, I guess. We still don't have a title. I wanted to call it ``Beyond Hope.'' But Mother thinks I should call it ``My Years With Mr. Flip-Flop.''
Amy: How is Mr. Flip-Flop.
Chelsea: He spent the afternoon with his acting coach, Mr. Stetson. He's teaching Dad how to pound his fist. I think he's getting better at it; this morning all the photographs fell off the Oval Office wall.
Amy: Is the acting coach any good?
Chelsea: Yeah. He's real cute. He started by telling Mr. Flip-Flop to imagine he was doing a car commercial for Meinecke. He had Dad saying ``I'm not going to pay too much for a muffler!'' But his fist pounding wasn't very good.
Amy: I thought you said he pounded so hard the photos fell off the wall?
Chelsea: That was after Mother ducked in to see how Dad was doing. She told him to pretend there was a Big Mac under his fist. He's supposed to be on a diet. But
he stuffs the Big Macs into his jogging pants and brings them home. Then he pounds them down with his fist and tells everybody they are regular hamburgers.
Amy: My mom says Mr. Flip-Flop and Newt have shut down the government.
Chelsea: That's right. Last night Dad told me all about it. He said The Grinch, that's what he calls Newt, was responsible. They aren't even speaking.
Amy: Why's that?
Chelsea: The Grinch invited himself aboard Air Force One when Mr. Flip-Flop and Teeth flew to Israel for the Rabin funeral.
Amy: Teeth?
Chelsea: Yeah, that what Dad calls President Carter. Dad said Grinch was in a snit because he wasn't allowed to sit up front with the presidents. He and Teeth sat up front and the Grinch had to sit in the back of the plane on Dad's crate of moon pies. Dad says moon pies are just like American Express. He never leaves home without 'em.
Amy: How long does Mr. Flip-Flop think the government will be shut down?
Chelsea: He doesn't know. But he said all the government's essential services will continue and that it's not a a real national emergency. He said: ``Just remember, Chelsea. . . Hooters and McDonald's will all always be open as long as I'm president.''
Amy: What's he doing now?
Chelsea: The last time I saw him he was in front of a mirror checking out his new glasses, pounding his fist and repeating: ``I will veto the bill!''
Amy: What does your mom think about the government shutdown?
Chelsea: She thinks The Grinch will cave, and Dad will be a hero when everybody goes back to work. She says it's really just a food fight. And she says nobody in the country knows more about fighting food than Dad.
Amy: Is Mr. Flip-Flop going to keep the acting coach?
Chelsea: I dunno. That's what Mr. Stetson wants to know. He said Dad told him this morning he was the finest acting coach he'd ever known and would like for him to stay with him as long as he's in the White House. But this afternoon he told Mr. Stetson he had misspoken and may not need him any more at all. But then, as Mr. Stetson was leaving, he told him he'd see him tomorrow.
Amy: So what do you think will happen?
Chelsea: I think Mother will decide about it. Like she always does. by CNB