THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, November 26, 1995 TAG: 9511220111
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: REAL LOVE
SOURCE: BY KRYS STEFANSKY, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 102 lines
A. RUFUS TONELSON has pondered the topic of marriage.
After officiating at thousands of weddings during more than 18 years as Norfolk's marriage commissioner, he's puzzled over what draws people together and what makes love last.
Yes, he's thought about it, all right.
``If marriages are made in heaven, the angel that matches them ought to be given glasses,'' he says.
This was not the case one day back in 1945. In leading Rufus to Sara Hamberg, the angel had perfect vision. Half a century later, this past Wednesday, Nov. 22, the couple celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.
It began with one of the quickest courtships heaven had ever seen.
``We'd known each other. . . ,'' he starts.
``In junior high and high school,'' she finishes.
They never dated. But Sara Tonelson confesses she'd been sweet on Rufus for years.
``My older sister taught at Rufton Junior High while he taught there and she'd tell me everything about him,'' she says, giggling girlishly.
Then came September 1945 and heavenly intervention. Private First Class Rufus Tonelson, drafted into the Army from his job as a teacher at Maury High School, was home on leave and ``bumped into her.''
``I was the oldest PFC in the Army. They didn't realize my hidden worth and value,'' he says.
``There was a dance that Saturday night,'' she says.
``And she didn't have a date,'' he says.
``My doctor and lawyer boyfriends were both out of town,'' she says.
He asked her out. She accepted.
``When I told my girlfriend I had a date with Rufus Tonelson, she said, `Well, that's better than staying home,'' she says.
The Tonelsons look at each other and laugh. She sits, elegantly chic in a Chanel-style jacket and slacks, on a sofa in the couple's high-rise apartment in Norfolk. Her husband, at 84, still wears oxfords that tie and, at 8 p.m., is crisp in shirt and slacks. Armed with a dry wit and excellent memory, he is a talker.
Sara Tonelson laughs at his stories, finishes his sentences, prompts his punchlines. Her embellishments enter on cue, seamless after a lifetime of practice.
``It was pouring that night,'' she recalls.
``You couldn't drive a dog out,'' he says.
So they skipped the dance and went to the movies. But not alone. Sara Tonelson's mother, sister and cousin tagged along.
``We didn't even hold hands,'' he says.
After the film - neither of them remembers what it was - they went home and sat up from 11 o'clock until one in the morning and talked.
``By the time he left, we were engaged,'' she says.
Engaged? After a two-hour courtship?
``I don't know. Maybe I stayed up beyond my bedtime,'' he says.
``After he left I told Mom, we're engaged, and she said, go to bed, you're nuts,'' she says.
Over the next eight weeks, they set and changed their wedding date three times, finally settling on Thanksgiving and a honeymoon trip up North.
Rufus Tonelson bought two more winter uniforms and braced himself to miss, for the first time ever, his beloved, annual Maury-Granby football game.
Turned out, they honeymooned in balmy Miami instead of New York.
It doesn't feel like 50 years have gone by, they say. They've stayed busy during Rufus Tonelson's 40-year career in education, traveling all over for conventions, from Hong Kong to Moscow to Jamaica. He became principal of Maury High School and later, dean of education at Old Dominion University.
Before she retired, Sara Tonelson worked as a public-school teacher and supervisor of student teachers at ODU.
They've always shared interests, especially going to high school and college football games.
``I instilled in her a love of athletics,'' he says. ``And she kept me from looking at girls.''
They've raised two sons. Louis is principal of Kempsville High School in Virginia Beach. Stephen is professor of education at Old Dominion University. They have four grandchildren.
When Rufus Tonelson isn't marrying people, he and his wife are carrying on what they started five decades ago. Their eldest son says his parents are very traditional, devoted to each other and quick to iron out their lovers' spats.
``I'm hard to live with,'' Rufus says.
``I don't pay any attention to him,'' Sara says.
They don't fight.
``We just walk out,'' he says.
And sometimes they go to bed mad.
``I'll just turn my back and look out the window,'' he says. ``Of course, I always know I was right to start with.''
She defers to his choices on the sports channel, he puts up with her cosmetics left all over the bathroom.
``We have two TVs, two bathrooms,'' he says.
But they only use one of each.
``We're always together,'' she says.
A marriage made in heaven. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo
GARY KNAPP/The Virginian-Pilot
Norfolk Marriage Commissioner Rufus Tonelson and his wife, Sara,
just celebrated their 50th anniversary.
by CNB