THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, November 28, 1995 TAG: 9511280039
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY ELIZABETH SIMPSON, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 52 lines
IT'S BEEN four years since 8-year-old Missy Chapman died. But many people, even relatives, still seem afraid to talk about her, particularly at this time of year. Missy died eight days before Christmas.
Yet Missy's parents, Linda and Don Chapman, want to hear her name. They still hang her stocking and still adorn the Christmas tree with ornaments she made in school. They like to remember how much the brown-haired girl sought to be the center of attention.
On Dec. 3, Missy will be the center of attention again. The Chapmans will light a candle in her memory at a memorial ceremony that the local chapter of the Compassionate Friends conducts every holiday season.
Compassionate Friends, an organization made up of parents and siblings of children who have died, started holding the ceremony eight years ago to help families deal with the holidays.
``This gives them something concrete to do,'' said Jane Daulton, leader of the local Compassionate Friends chapter. ``It gives them something to do for their child, and a place where they can say whatever they want and have people understand.''
Families are invited to talk about their children or say something to them when they light the candles.
``When you lose a child, it's important to hear their name,'' Daulton said. ``There's a misconception by people who haven't lost a child that if you don't say their name, it will be better. It's not. It's worse. We need to hear our children's names, see their faces. We need to say Merry Christmas.''
Linda Chapman can't remember what she has said to Missy during past memorials she's attended. ``The emotion takes over,'' she says. Still, the ceremony is a healing experience for her.
Missy died in a freak accident on the Virginia Beach Boardwalk. She was playing on a gate and caught her neck on a bar. She died two days later at Children's Hospital of The King's Daughters. The Chapmans learned about Compassionate Friends when they made the decision to donate Missy's organs.
They began attending the candlelight ceremonies the year after Missy died.
``Some members of our family are not into remembering Missy,'' Linda Chapman said. ``It's just too painful for them. So this is a way for us to remember her and make us feel comforted that other people remember her.'' ILLUSTRATION: Color photo by Beth Bergman\ The Virginian-Pilot
Don and Linda Chapman and daughter Carolin, with a portrait of
Missy, who died in 1991.
by CNB