THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, November 29, 1995 TAG: 9511290106
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 62 lines
I ASKED Charles M. Later, the president of the Procrastinators Club of America, to provide me with the club's list of tips for Christmas six weeks ago.
But he didn't call until Monday, claiming he'd forgotten about it.
The list is for the benefit of the club's membership. The club's motto is: If you can't sleep on it, do it later or postpone it indefinitely, what's the use?''
Later said the Christmas holidays are the procrastinator's favorite time of the year. ``The number of things that you can put off or neglect entirely multiply like rabbits once Thanksgiving goes by.''
Like rabbits?
``Well, yes. You see I use rabbits because it reminds me of Easter. If you associate Christmas with bunnies, it gives you the opportunity to confuse the seasons and pretend that the next big holiday doesn't come until spring.''
It is what Later calls mental training.
``Everyone has a forgetter, it simply a question of keeping your forgetter in first class working order,'' he explained.
Well, how do you do that?
``By simply forgetting at least one thing, two if possible, every day and then building up. When you are up to 10 a day you. . .
Yes, up to 10 a day? Then what?
``I don't know, I think I've forgotten. Pin a rose on me, eh?''
You were going to give me a list of rules for procrastinators to help them through Christmas shopping.
``Very well,'' he replied, yawning. ``The first thing to do is to set all the clocks and watches around you properly.''
How is that?
That way you will find that you are so far behind in whatever it is you have to do, that it's best to wait until the next day,'' he said. ``Or even better, until next week.''
Later advises procrastinators to do most of their shopping at the largest and most crowded mall available. And during rush hour, if possible.
``That way you will get so little done each time you go that you will find yourself putting everything off a little longer and longer. It also helps to carry a handkerchief when you park your car at the mall.''
What do you do with the handkerchief? Tie it to your radio antenna?
``Oh, heavens no!'' he protested. ``What you do is tie it around your eyes once the car is parked so that you have no earthly idea where it is you parked.''
Why?
``Odds are you'll never find it again. You will have to put everything off until you find it. With any luck, that could be several weeks after New Year's. And that's all.''
All of what?
``All of tip list for the 1994 Christmas season.''
But this is 1995?
``I know,'' he said. ``We've been meaning to do the one for this year but just kept putting it off. You know how it is.'' by CNB