THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, December 8, 1995 TAG: 9512080061
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY TREVOR WRIGHT, HIGH SCHOOL CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Medium: 90 lines
THROUGHOUT history, many questions have left common people perplexed, but one question haunts hapless teenagers worldwide. It's a question that often pops up on ``The Ricki Lake Show.'' The unsolved mystery is: Can guys and girls just be friends?
Well, that depends on who you ask.
Here's the expert's view: ``It is very possible for guys and girls to have a platonic friendship,'' said Hilary M. Lips, co-director of the Center for Gender Studies at Radford University.
Here's a teenager's view: ``There are lots of advantages to having a friend that's from the opposite sex,'' said Tina Nash, 18, a senior at Ocean Lakes High School. She and her male friend ``always ask each other's opinions on certain things concerning problems in our own relationships. Not to mention he doesn't get jealous with who I'm dating. And last but not least, he doesn't ask to borrow my clothes and never return them.''
But even in the best of these relationships, trouble can lurk.
Tina's best friend Dave Reynolds, 19, a recent graduate of Virginia Beach's Open-Campus high school, believes that their friendship has gotten stronger over the past three years but admits to having had feelings that go beyond the bounds of a standard friendship.
``Yes, I have wanted to be more than friends (with Tina),'' he said, but because he is certain it would harm their relationship, he never acted on his feelings.
If Tina and Dave did start dating, how weird would that be?
``I don't think things would be the same between the two of us in our relationship,'' Tina said. ``Actually, the whole situation would be very awkward between us. I've never been physically attracted to Dave, because our friend ship is too strong for us to become boyfriend and girlfriend.''
So does this situation prove that there is hope beyond usual romance? Maybe and maybe not.
True romance? Part 1
Aimee Sanderson, 17, and John Gallegos, 19, had been ``good'' friends for almost a year when they decided to start dating.
``Normally I would be nervous (if my best friend were to become my girlfriend) but not with Aimee,'' said John, an electrical apprentice from Chesapeake and student at Tidewater Community College.
Aimee, a senior at Ocean Lakes High School, knew that they had a lot of things in common when they were ``just friends'' but wondered whether their friendship could withstand the pressures of dating.
``I don't think there have been a lot of changes between the time when we were just friends and now,'' Aimee said. ``We still joke around like we used to and we still talk. It's just now there's a feeling of affection toward the guy who used to be my best friend.''
John, however, believes that there might be more stress now.
``Nothing really mattered before when we were just friends,'' John said. ``But now that we're going out, there's a lot more to think about.''
But what happens when the romance you hoped to have with your ``best'' friend takes a dramatic turn - for the worst?
True romance? Part 2
Weeks after the previous interview was conducted, Aimee and John encountered the first in a long line of problems.
``We started fighting a lot after the first few weeks we went out,'' Aimee said. ``We didn't even argue about important things, it was just stupid stuff like differing opinions on movies.''
A week later, Aimee claims that their relationship came screeching to a halt when John didn't show up at a volleyball game in which she was playing. They saw less and less of each other. Aimee decided it was time to break off the relationship - and the friendship.
Aimee has since moved on and has started a ``new'' life away from her ex-best friend/boyfriend.
When faced with the question of ever dating another ``good'' friend, she wastes no time in answering: ``Absolutely not. I have seen what it can do to a friendship, and I'm not ready to take that risk again.''
Which all makes it seem easier to just be friends.
``I don't know if it's easier to have a friend of the same sex; you just have to be willing to compromise if you're going to make it (platonic girl/guy relationships) work,'' Lips said. ``For instance, male friendships are built around doing things, like going to a game, while female friendships are built around talking and self-disclosure.
``It is very possible for guys and girls to have a friendship if you are willing to make it work.'' ILLUSTRATION: Color photo by Charlie Meads/The Virginian-Pilot
Tina Nash and David Williams
B\W Photo
Trevor Wright is a senior at Ocean Lakes High School.
by CNB