THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, December 13, 1995 TAG: 9512130029
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 86 lines
THE BEST OF the Worst Country-Western Song Titles have popped up on Internet's ``Wordplay.''
Missing is my all-time favorite entitled ``I Gave Her the Ring and She Gave Me the Finger.'' But the list isn't bad. Here we go:
``I'm Just a Bug on the Windshield of Life.''
``I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy''
``I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.''
``My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field While Your Dear John Was Breakin' My Heart.''
``You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.''
``They May Put Me in Prison, but They Can't Keep My Face From Breaking Out.''
``If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?''
``If the Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me.''
``Mamma Git the Hammer . . . There's a Fly on Papa's Head.''
Humorist Arthur Block has done it at last. He has put together all 10 tenets of Murphy's Law. This is the season when it's a good idea to keep all 10 in mind.
Here they are:
1. If anything can go wrong, it will.
2. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
3. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will do the most damage will go wrong first.
4. Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.
5. If you play with something, you will surely break it.
6. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
7. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
8. Mother Nature is a bitch.
9. Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually fall into the Atlantic Ocean.
10. Murphy was an optimist.
Now that we are familiar with Murphy's 10, it seems a good time to say that I have erred in placing Bunch of Walnuts Road in South Norfolk. I made that mistake in a recent column and wish to apologize to the many readers who have given me a piece of their mind about it.
Actually, heh, heh, the joke's on me. Bunch of Walnuts Road is in Hickory, N.C.
No, wait . . . it's in the small community of Hickory near here, somewhere beyond the blue horizon, beyond Great Bridge.
Now then. Several readers have offered
help with the origin of Kissimmee Street in Suffolk. Leslie Hanan of Litton Lane in Suffolk writes:
``I'm not sure of the exact origin of the word `Kissimmee,' but I think we can safely assume it is from the Seminole language,'' she writes. She adds that there is a Kissimmee, Fla., which is the county seat of Osceola County.
J. Brewer Moore of Portsmouth's Bobby Jones Drive (sounds like a long one) has written to say that streets get odd names in a hurry. He says there was a desperate attempt to find new street names at a meeting of Portsmouth's Planning Commission years ago.
He said Fire Chief Odell Benton once asked him if the city had a place called Bonney Terrace.
``Not yet,'' Moore replied. He then asked if the street was to be named for an admiral or a general.
``Oh, no,'' Benton replied, ``that's my daughter.''
He says the street is still there in the Shea Terrace neighborhood.
Ever hear of a Pencil Box Way or Scholarship Drive? Reporter Mike Mather, who drives around looking for the latest crime scenes, says both can be found in and around the Campus East section of Virginia Beach. (Near Virginia Wesleyan College.)
``There, streets are named after colleges and college materials,'' Mike explained. His list includes Hollins Avenue; Pencil Box Way; Scholarship, Monarch and Keydet drives; Cum Laude Way; Baccalaureate Drive; and Graduate Degree, Fraternity, Liberal Arts, Tuition, Chalk, Professor, Diploma, Radford, Virginia Tech and Wolfpack courts.
And Mildred Tebault Bray of Mallard Crescent in Portsmouth writes to say there is a Land of Promise Road in the Blackwater community of Virginia Beach. She says that years ago there was a post office there that had a postmark ``Land of Promise, Va.''
That's it, I'm out of here. Headed for Hickory to check it out. Wonder if it has a Dickery Dock Road, too? by CNB