THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, December 16, 1995 TAG: 9512160253
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DAVE ADDIS, STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: NORFOLK LENGTH: Long : 136 lines
It's the last week now, time for desperate strategies. Time to cross-index the mall-store hours against the UPS delivery schedules and develop schemes more complex and perilous than the invasion of Normandy.
America is in its final hours of holiday shopping.
One night last week, though, as the bells of cash-register commerce chimed against the tinkling of Christmas carols in bright stores just blocks away, a small band of women gathered in a dark office complex to plot a strategy all their own:
How, they wondered among themselves, can they get through the final days of the most spend-crazy time of the year without shopping? Or, at least, shopping as little as possible?
Welcome to the third meeting of C-SOS, a group that has taken the telegraph code for the international distress signal and made it stand for Compulsive Shoppers and Over-Spenders.
It fits. They are in deep water, and they need help.
These are women whose need to shop is limited only by the number of credit cards they can max out before applying for another credit card to which they can shift their old balance and then make new purchases until . . . well, you get the point. They can melt plastic faster than butter on a hot griddle.
It is tempting to laugh off their plight, to treat it no more seriously than an old ``I Love Lucy'' skit where the dizzy redhead is trying to keep Ricky from learning how much she spent for her new dress. And the women of C-SOS do recognize humorous offshoots of the whole thing.
``Like that Dollar Store?'' said one. ``When I go in there, I spend $50.''
On a recent trip to Florida, she said, ``I found a store that was selling books at two dollars apiece. I bought 50. Then I had to figure out how to get them on the plane.''
But this is a serious affliction. Its causes, counselors say, are similar to those that drive people to such addictions as alcohol or drugs: low self-esteem, depression, deprivation as a child, among others. Three of the four women present admitted to being on prescription medication to fight the low moods that bring on their urge to spend.
And the issue seems less funny when members speak of driving their families to the brink of bankruptcy. One woman, whose particular weakness is jewelry, said it takes $1,500 a month just to make the minimum payments on her family's 13 credit cards. With her husband's help they're working it out, scrambling desperately to protect their credit rating.
That in itself is a complication. ``Oh, we have great credit,'' she said. ``I can walk into about any store and get instant credit anywhere.'' As a result, interest charges alone cost the family $10,000 a year.
With help, alcoholics and other addicts can quit their addiction and can modify their lives to avoid temptation. ``But this is even tougher,'' one woman said, ``because you can't just stop buying things altogether. Sooner or later you have to shop.''
``This is a problem that is tremendously overlooked in our culture,'' said Mary Johnston, a licensed professional counselor who helped organize the group. ``It is tremendously anti-American not to shop.
``And the culture doesn't make things any simpler, especially at this time of year. At Christmas the stores just roll out the red carpets, the jewelry stores have goodies set out to eat, the stores call their favorite customers, people who love to shop, and tell them about all the new things.''
The ABC News program ``20/20'' recently did a segment on compulsive spenders. Johnston played a tape of it for the group. Experts quoted there said as many as 10 million Americans, 80 percent of them women, are so afflicted. Male over-spenders, as the theory goes, tend to spurn the malls and drop large amounts of money on major single purchases, such as a new car or boat.
But support groups like C-SOS apparently are few. Johnston said that when they organized three weeks ago they tried to see what other groups were doing, but could not locate a single one.
So they're cutting their own path. They took turns the other night telling tales of depraved spending sprees, then concocted plans to help one another keep a clasp on their checkbooks through the critical week to come.
Each woman had a particular weakness. One is a yard-sale junkie, shopping as many as 25 to 30 on a good Saturday. Her house is so cluttered, she said, that her modest goal for the season is to give away enough stuff to clear space for her family to have a Christmas tree.
Another, who buys clothing incessantly, said it has reached a point that her favorite shop calls her on the phone to tell her what new frocks have arrived in her size.
``I make these people's day,'' said Ms. Clothing, who, like the other women, requested that her identity be withheld. ``Any time I walk in there they know I'm going to make a $250 purchase. They treat me like gold, they give me coffee, they chat.
``I really like the two ladies who run that shop. It's gotten so bad that I feel guilty if I'm going to quit buying, that maybe they'll close. It's like I have to help them keep their business open because I like it so much.''
Ms. Clothing said she was proud this week that she'd been able to resist a particularly fetching green suit. In tracking her obsession at the advice of another counselor, she realized that she'd thought of that green suit 79 times in a single afternoon. ``With my Prozac,'' she said, ``I was able to cut that down to about once every half-hour.''
Ms. Jewelry nodded. ``Oh, I know what you mean,'' she said, sympathetically waving a wrist whose tasteful gold bracelet was nicely accented by gold earrings and a gold lapel pin. ``I have dreams about jewelry, things that I absolutely cannot afford. And I mean real jewelry, not that costume stuff.''
``It's like when you're dieting,'' said Ms. Dollar Store. ``and all you dream about are fudge and cookies.''
A link to self-esteem arose repeatedly in the conversation. Three of the women admitted they have had long battles with weight problems. ``Oh, yes, I've been everywhere from a size 12 to a size 4 and back again,'' said Ms. Clothing. ``That's why I need so many wardrobes.''
They helped one another devise strategies to get through the difficult week ahead. Ms. Dollar Store had a Christmas bonus coming and feared she would weaken and spend it. She needs it for tuition for some upcoming classes.
Someone offered to go with her to the bank that day, and Ms. Clothing recommended she buy money orders made payable only for the tuition.
Ms. Clothing was dreading a holiday trip to visit her parents, where mom is a shopper and already has mapped out an itinerary. The group debated, then recommended she take just $75 in cash and a single American Express card that requires full payment each month.
Ms. Yard Sale set up a sequence of timed phone calls to her friends to check up on them and offer moral support.
Near the end of the session it was time to discuss the popular 12-step recovery plan that other support groups use. Ms. Jewelry had been deputized the week before to shop for a book on 12-step plans.
``Did you get that book? Can I see it?'' Ms. Clothing asked.
A bit sheepishly, Ms. Jewelry reached under her chair and came up with a stack of reading matter. ``Well,'' she said, ``I got three. I couldn't leave the store with just one.''
All around the room, there were sympathetic nods. MEMO: For information on Compulsive Shoppers and Over-Spenders, call
466-7510.
ILLUSTRATION: [Shoppers]
BILL TIERNAN/Staff
The Virginian-Pilot
KEYWORDS: COMPULSIVE SHOPPING SUPPORT GROUP by CNB