THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, December 26, 1995 TAG: 9512230134
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: SHIRLEY BRINKLEY, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 168 lines
A YEAR AGO, Kim DeJiacomo of Windsor watched with joy as her long-awaited son, Sean Michael, was born.
It had been a normal labor and delivery - a scenario that is played out daily in hospitals across the country. But for DeJiacomo, this was a miracle she had prayed for for 16 long years.
``It was so special,'' said DeJiacomo, whose baby was delivered in a small hospital in eastern Montana. ``My grandmother had worked there as a nurse for years and years. The birth was incredible and the baby was gorgeous.''
Then the happy event took an unconventional turn.
The obstetrician handed the newborn baby to his birth mother, who held him briefly . . . and then handed him to DeJiacomo.
DeJiacomo said, ``She put him in my arms and said, `Here's your baby.' She said she always knew in her heart he was ours.''
This was the first time that DeJiacomo had seen her son's birth mother, 23-year-old Andrea, although she had had several long-distance telephone conversations with her.
Divorced and with a 1-year-old daughter, Andrea had decided she was unable to care for a second child, DeJiacomo said. She contacted Catholic Services in Montana and was given the opportunity to study the portfolios of 12 couples who had been approved for adoption. After careful deliberation, Andrea had chosen to offer her expected baby to Kim and Michael DeJiacomo.
When Andrea's due date drew near, Kim DeJiacomo flew to Montana and stayed with her sister in her hometown of Missoula to await the baby's birth. When word came that Andrea was in labor, DeJiacomo, accompanied by her sister, drove all night to reach the hospital, 300 miles away, where Andrea had been admitted.
Prepared to wait in the hospital waiting room, DeJiacomo was surprised to learn that Andrea had invited her to be present for the delivery.
``I had never met Andrea, although I had a couple of pictures of her,'' DeJiacomo said. ``We were both nervous. I was crying . . . and we hugged.''
The next day, DeJiacomo decided to allow Andrea some time alone with the baby. But later that evening, she was on hand to give the baby his bottle and was delighted to find that the nurses had made a bed available for her to stay overnight with her son.
The next day, Michael DeJiacomo arrived to sign the adoption papers, attend a placement ceremony and bring his family home to Virginia.
``Catholic Services has a candlelight placement ceremony,'' DeJiacomo said. ``Prayers were said and the baby was passed around the room in a circle, ending up in Andrea's arms. Then she gave me my son. It was a bittersweet moment. I felt sad for her and happy for me.''
Those three days were the culmination of many years of tears, painful tests and surgeries experienced by the DeJiacomos in an effort to conceive. After their efforts failed, the couple decided to look into adoption.
Kim DeJiacomo, 41, is a native of Mankato, Minn., who grew up in a family of five siblings. After graduating from Bauder Fashion College in Arlington, Texas, she met her future husband, who was in the Navy at the time, while visiting a friend in Washington, D.C. They dated for a year and were married in Missoula 17 years ago.
Michael DeJiacomo, 47, has children from a previous marriage and had had a vasectomy before he met Kim. However, he was able to have the procedure reversed and the couple looked forward to starting their family.
After months of frustration and disappointments, Kim DeJiacomo began to suspect that she had a fertility problem.
``My sister, Shaun, had a problem with infertility, and I had watched her go through tests and surgeries for endometriosis,'' DeJiacomo said. ``She went to the Jones Institute in Norfolk for laser surgery and was going to come back for an in vitro fertilization procedure, but in a short time, the endometriosis had grown back so much, the procedure was unsuccessful.''
Endometriosis is a condition in which tissue resembling the uterine mucous membrane occurs in various locations in the pelvic cavity, often causing sterility.
``I figured that's what I had,'' DeJiacomo said. ``I experienced terrible pain, and it came in spurts. I was treated with drugs for a short time. Finally I got brave enough to start all the medical `stuff.' ''
DeJiacomo was artificially inseminated for 13 months without success.
``The medicine that I had to take ran $1,800 to $2,400 a month,'' she said. ``Then I had to have blood work done every other day. We agreed that I would try for one year, but I insisted on going longer. Finally, I felt resigned and wanted to put it behind me.''
DeJiacomo asked for a hysterectomy, but her doctor refused to perform the surgery until she agreed to have counseling.
``After the operation, I knew I couldn't try anymore,'' she said. ``I was glad it was over. I never looked back. . . . I just looked forward.''
When Michael DeJiacomo retired from the Navy, he went to work at International Terminals in Newport News and the couple moved from Virginia Beach to Windsor. Kim worked with Log Tech Corp. until she decided to start her own business, Kim Tech, which involves telephone sales of marine diesel equipment to the federal government. The couple added a room to their home to serve as Kim's office.
``I wanted to adopt a baby and I didn't want to work outside the home,'' she said.
Once the couple decided to adopt, Kim DeJiacomo called Isle of Wight County's Social Services Department, only to learn that the adoption of a healthy infant could take as long as seven to 10 years. Although she asked that an application for adoption be mailed to her, DeJiacomo said she never received one.
Beginning to despair, DeJiacomo made up cards telling of her plight and handed them to pregnant women in stores. She also made 1,000 fliers and put them on cars in parking lots.
``I told the women that even if it didn't apply to them, perhaps they knew of someone who would be interested,'' she said. ``This resulted in `little nibbles' that kept me going. I opened the phone book under `adoption' and called every number in there. I was very lucky. I talked to Sherryl Shonyo of Shore Adoption Services in Virginia Beach, who told me about Families Through Adoption. If it weren't for FTA, I don't think I would have lasted long enough to adopt.''
Families Through Adoption is a support group for couples who have either adopted children or are considering adoption. After attending FTA meetings, DeJiacomo was encouraged to continue her efforts.
``I saw that adoption does work,'' she said. ``I have wonderful friends that I'll have for the rest of my life. After all the pain you go through to get to that point, you have someone to hold your hand to get to the finish line.''
``We wanted an open adoption,'' she continued. ``It's much healthier for children and their birth parents to know where each other is right from the beginning.''
Finally, DeJiacomo contacted Catholic Services in Montana - the same agency that helped her sister, Shaun, adopt two children. Kim took pictures of her home and the town of Windsor and submitted them to the agency, which accepted the DeJiacomos as an adoptive couple. A short time later, Andrea came into their lives.
``We talked on the phone about four hours a week and got along so well,'' DeJiacomo said. ``She couldn't take care of another baby and wanted the best life possible for him. She made the most loving choice she could.''
``The adoption of Sean will be finalized within a month,'' DeJiacomo said. ``Virginia and Montana work with each other, and there are placement visits for one year.''
At the time of her son's adoption, the DeJiacomos met and developed a friendly relationship with Andrea's parents. Unable to care for their grandchildren, they have talked with Kim DeJiacomo by phone frequently during the past year.
Last winter, DeJiacomo learned through Andrea's mother that Andrea was having emotional problems, had been admitted to a hospital and was unable to care for her daughter, Kristen Marie.
``Her mother told me that Andrea wished that Mike and I could adopt Kristen,'' DeJiacomo said.
On April 1, DeJiacomo drove to Montana to become acquainted with Kristen, knowing that she could possibly come home with a daughter.
``I saw Kristen for the first time in eight months and she was excited to see me,'' DeJiacomo said. ``She ran to me with her arms outstretched. At that moment, she was my daughter. I took her on shopping trips and to the park. We signed the adoption papers and I brought my daughter home on May 9.''
``It may be hard for Kristen later . . . given up at two years old,'' DeJiacomo said. ``She looks at pictures of her grandparents and `birth mommie,' but I want her to know that I'm her `forever' mommie.''
The DeJiacomos are a happy family today, although Kim admits that her days are busy.
``It's hard, and some days I'm so tired,'' she said. ``I stay up until 1 or 2 a.m. and then I'm up at 6 a.m., but, I don't need a lot of sleep.''
The DeJiacomos recently received a Christmas card from Andrea.
It read, in part: ``We all know I made the loving decision. Thank you. You are all in my prayers.''
This year, DeJiacomo is serving as president of Families Through Adoption. About 40 families, who use different adoption agencies, attend meetings on a monthly basis. It is DeJiacomo's hope that the organization will grow. MEMO: Families Through Adoption meets at 7:30 p.m. on the first Thursday of
each month at the Good Samaritan Episcopal Church, 848 Baker Road,
Virginia Beach. For information, call Kim DeJiacomo, 804-242-4028. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo
MICHAEL KESTNER/The Virginian-Pilot
Kim DeJiacomo adoped son Sean Micahel, 1, and daughter Kristen
Marie, 2, in Montana.
by CNB