THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, December 29, 1995 TAG: 9512280156
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 07 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Over Easy
SOURCE: Jo-Ann Clegg
LENGTH: Medium: 84 lines
If I make any resolutions between now and midnight Sunday, it will be to try to simplify the world, especially the world as it relates to motor vehicles. Let me explain.
A week before Christmas in the first year of our marriage, our '54 Chevy had a flat tire.
``Not enough tread left to bother patching,'' our mechanic told us. ``You need a new one.''
So we bought what we needed. One new tire, size 670X15. I have no idea what those numbers meant, but they defined the size of tire on every vehicle that fell between a VW bug and a Mack truck in those simpler days.
That tire cost about the same as my weekly pay as a school teacher in the old Princess Anne County school system. It put a major dent in our Christmas budget.
``Get used to it,'' a wise Navy wife told me. ``Something always breaks down just before the holidays. Just hang the old tire on the Christmas tree and be grateful you had the money to get a new one.''
I would have done what she suggested had we not been able to save a couple of bucks by letting the mechanic keep the old 670X15.
I lost touch with that Navy wife many years ago, but her words have come back to me just about every year.
Why is it, I've often wondered, that everything automotive breaks down in the months of November and December.
Over the years, car parts ranging from carburetors to radiators have been candidates for decorations on my tree.
The hands-down winner - until this year - was the Christmas of '68. Bill was in the Caribbean. In the month of December alone, I bought a new battery, a set of shocks and a right front fender.
OK, so that last one wasn't exactly a break down. It happened because some parking lot owner saw fit to erect a post with a sign on it that said ``Exit Carefully, Narrow Drive.'' If he hadn't put the sign up, the driveway wouldn't have been too narrow for my car.
Or my driving. Take your pick.
That banner year, 1968, doesn't even come close to equaling the number of automotive items we could put on our tree this year. Since Thanksgiving our rolling stock has required:
One set of plugs and points
One set of distributor wires
Three batteries
Four shocks
Six windshield wiper blades and
12 new tires.
Which kind of brings me back to our first Christmas. I yearn for the simplicity of those days. Even though both of us were working different hours in different places, we managed with one car.
Now, for some reason I haven't yet figured out, we have three. That's down two from when we had three teenage sons at home, but it's still two more than I figure we really need.
In 1958, when we had a flat we replaced it.
In 1995, we don't replace it, we replace them. Tires don't travel alone anymore. They're sold in pairs. Like pantyhose. Why? The tire people say it's because it's not safe to have mismatched tires on the same axle. I say it's because the tire people make a better living that way.
The tire people say, to be really safe, you should change all of the tires at the same time. I say, to be really rich, you should sell tires to people like us who believe what the tire professionals say.
Then there's the matter of size. Make that sizes. Those 670X15s went the way of the Hula Hoop and the aluminum Christmas tree. Now tires come in sizes and types that require all 26 letters of the alphabet, the entire Arabic numeral system and a bunch of computer generated characters that didn't even exist in 1958 to describe them. It takes longer for a salesperson to type P215/70R15/975 into a computer than it did for a good tire man to repair and replace a flat back in the '50s.
I say it's time to get back to basics here.
In 1996, I resolve to work toward a world in which all tires are independent, equal and interchangeable. And when I have solved that problem, I vow to work toward a world in which windshield wiper blades will last for longer than a month, shocks will be good for the life of the car, 12 volt batteries will last forever and I can trim my Christmas tree with something other than spark plugs and distributor wires. by CNB