THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, December 31, 1995 TAG: 9512290300
SECTION: SUFFOLK SUN PAGE: 12 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Cover Story
SOURCE: BY FRANK ROBERTS, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 161 lines
TONY GARDNER IS always trying very hard to tell his wife, ``I love you.''
These days, the words cannot come, but they form on his lips. A responsive kiss lets him know that Shelia understands.
The last thing her husband was able to say to her was: ``Don't leave me. Kiss me.''
That was June 21 when their son, Michael, was celebrating his 12th birthday, a day that started with joy, ended with tears.
The Suffolk family was vacationing in Athens, Ga., with Shelia's brother, also named Tony.
``My husband had the kids on the boat. When he docked, he said his head was killing him,'' she recalled. ``He asked me to give him some Advil. He said he felt like somebody was hitting him on the head with a baseball bat.
``When I got to him with the pills, he said his arm was going numb. He was taken to the hospital. By the time he got there, he couldn't move his right side,'' Shelia said. ``The next morning, Tony's eyes rolled back in his head - and he was screaming with pain.
``He was stricken by a vascular defect,'' she said. ``It's a congenital deformity that connected the veins and arteries in his brain.''
It put Tony, a foreman at Union Camp, out of action and into a three-week coma. Thanks to medication, therapy and prayer, he is slowly improving, but there are miles to go.
The 6-foot-tall, 39-year-old father of three spent the next month at Athens Regional Hospital.
Shelia slept there all that time, scrunched up on a love seat. ``Now,'' she said, ``I'm down to 4 feet 11 inches.''
Tony was transferred to Sentara Norfolk General, then to Stuart Circle Hospital in Richmond, finally to Sheltering Arms Hospital and Rehabilitation Center, also in Richmond. No one knows when he will be ready to come home.
Making the move with him to Sheltering Arms was a small Christmas tree decorated by the family; wreaths from Suffolk Pentecostal Holiness Church, where the family worships; the cross above his bed; the Bible; a radio, which is tuned to a station playing Christian music; many CDs of Christian music; and ``a copy of our song,'' Shelia said - ``Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?''
Also making the move from one hospital to the other were the more than 350 get-well cards.
The one that would mean the most to Tony is homemade: ``Dad I love you very much and I wish you could come home today and when I come from school.''
It was sent by their 8-year-old son, Joseph, a Kilby Shores student. Another Gardner child, Casey, is a 16-year-old junior at Lakeland High School, where she is a cheerleader.
When she was 4, she was chosen Little Miss Suffolk. There are pictures of her at that age, and younger and older - pictures of her with her dad. Casey scoured the house, found all of them and took them to her room.
Recently, at church, she sang ``Wind Beneath My Wings,'' dedicating it to her father.
``There wasn't a dry eye in the place,'' Shelia said. ``Casey's having a hard time. Last year, she had grand mal seizures. We thought that would be the worst thing that ever happened to our family. We found out differently.
``Tony was at death's door and knocking,'' said Shelia, whose brother, Dr. Bill Johnson, a Richmond orthodontist, refers to his brother-in-law as Lazarus.
``He died and rose again,'' Shelia said.
About a week after Tony's attack, ``I was given a bag of his belongings and I was told, `He's not going to live,' '' Shelia said.
The vascular defect, which caused hemorrhaging, ``was formed between the third and fourth week of the fetus. There is an `explosion' in the brain and the veins and arteries become connected. It usually happens when the person is between 20 and 40 years old. In some cases, people have that defect, but nothing happens,'' Shelia said.
``Mr. Gardner had such a devastating neurologic injury,'' said Dr. Nathan Zasler of Richmond, a neurological rehabilitation specialist. ``We're giving him certain medicines to increase his arousal level and his neurologic state of function.
``No one expects him to be like he was,'' the doctor said. ``Our goal is to optimize the potential for ongoing neurologic recovery, and maximize his functional independence.''
Zasler added some cheer, noting that Tony, ``all of a sudden, is snapping out of it.''
Until recently, he was unable to bathe or dress himself, said Jennifer White, a speech therapist. ``His motor responses are really improving.''
Sometimes she will put her finger on the tracheotomy tube. When she puts very slight pressure on it, Tony can talk a little.
He is difficult, but certainly not impossible, to understand.
``Is there anything you want to tell your wife?'' White asked recently.
Tony looked at Shelia, his mate for 18 years. ``I love you,'' he said.
Later, he told her to go to the mall and buy herself a present.
Shelia goes to the hospital about four times a week, bringing the children with her on weekends.
``One day I got up. I wasn't going to go,'' she said, ``but I knew I wouldn't be happy till I saw him.''
During a recent visit, there were a number of questions and answers. Tony, with the therapist's finger on his tracheotomy tube slowly, carefully recited the days of the week and the months of the year.
Later, there was a series of questions and answers.
``What do you think of this pretty lady?'' White said, pointing to Shelia.
``She's wonderful.''
``What's the one thing you want to do?''
``Go to Hawaii.''
``What do you miss doing with the kids?''
``Playing ball.''
``What do you miss most about church?''
``Raising my hands and praising God,'' said Tony, illustrating as he raised his hands.
``What's the first thing you're going to do when you get home?''
He looked at Shelia. ``Give her a kiss.''
The love she and Tony show for each other and their children transcended family boundaries.
For several years, they took care of foster children.
``We had about six. We just saw a need. We love kids. It's easy to do. The hard thing is saying goodbye,'' Shelia said. ``I saw one of the girls recently. She cried when she heard what happened.''
They stopped taking in foster children when Tony's brother, Bruce, came to live with them in their Springfield Terrace home. He has Down syndrome.
He also visits Tony, who tries so hard to communicate with everyone. Sometimes, when Shelia asks questions, Tony nods his answers or moves his lips. Sometimes, she goes through the alphabet and he will nod at the correct letters.
Often, that is interspersed with coughing which, at least, is a sign of life.
Shelia wants him to tell people that he is getting better. His reply is the thumbs-up sign.
She makes sure that her spirits are up when she visits Tony. Generally, she is upbeat, but there are times when the tears come.
``Usually,'' Shelia said, ``I cry by myself. People don't want to see me crying. I go to the bathroom and turn on the jacuzzi and heater to drown out the sound.
``I miss him so much. I miss him watching Casey cheer at the football games,'' she said. ``I miss him coming home from work, peeling off his boots and saying, `Hi babe, what's for supper?'
``I don't want to go into another season alone,'' Shelia said. She paused a moment, then added, ``He just didn't deserve it.
``I'll tell you what gets me through - a good night's sleep, a lot of prayer and a lot of people interceding on our behalf. So many people praying for our family - it's unreal,'' said Shelia, who pens her thoughts in a journal.
``I'll read it to him later. The book is full of tears. I got a good-sized river,'' she said, ``but when I write, it's like talking to Tony - and God.''
The day the rescue squad picked Tony up in Georgia, the day he almost died, Shelia found a printed saying on a little card near his bed: ``Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou will revive me.'' Psalm 138. ILLUSTRATION: [Cover, Color photo]
COMEBACK FROM A COMA
Tony Gardner is working on improving his speech at Sheltering Arms
Rehabilitation Center.
Staff photo by JOHN H. SHEALLY II
A get-well poster in Gardner's room includes a Christmas tree and
lights.
Staff photo by JOHN H. SHEALLY II
Shelia Gardner makes sure her spirits are up when she visits Tony.
by CNB