THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, January 5, 1996 TAG: 9601050051
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: LISTEN UP!
LENGTH: Medium: 63 lines
Dear Karen and Vorando,
I have a 2-year-old baby and the child's father pays no child support. I talk to him and he says, ``I'm supplying diapers and formula and that's enough.'' I disagree; A baby needs his father. I know it's hard out there, but he needs to take care of his responsibility as a parent. If I can do it, he can do it. He laid down with me and helped make this baby, so he has a responsibility to us. How can I make him be responsible? - Teen Mom at Tallwood
Dear Mom,
You are right, children need a strong mother figure as well as a strong father figure. It is good that you realize this and are ready to make sure that your child has both. Diapers and formula are a small part of what a baby needs to be healthy. Children need affection, understanding and nurturing from both parents. Supplying a few material things is not nearly enough.
Since the child lives with you, you are shouldering most of the responsibility. We ran your letter by Judith W. Homsher, a licensed clinical social worker at Fairfield Psychological Associates in Virginia Beach. She believes that the child's father ``has a sense of right and wrong. This is evident in the fact that he purchases necessary items, so he knows what a baby needs.'' But Homsher added that the problem may be that the father is scared of establishing a strong relationship. ``Some teenage fathers may be afraid of becoming too attached to the child and the mother (and) then losing them and that bond,'' she said.
Have you considered that? The next time that you talk with the child's father, try to explain to him the value of a child having both a mother and a father. Reassure him that there is nothing wrong with forming a bond with his child. Both of you will need to work hard and put personal differences aside.
If, however, the father believes that he is fulfilling his obligation by buying diapers, remind him that legally he is responsible for the financial support for the child. ``A teenage father always has an obligation to his child,'' said Clay L. Macon, an attorney with Glasser & Macon PC in Chesapeake. ``If he refuses to pay child support, the mother can take him to court and she can be awarded a dollar figure from him. Also, if he works, an amount can be automatically deducted from his paycheck for the child.''
If you decide to go to court to get child support, a private attorney will cost from $300 to $500.
However, if you are receiving welfare the state automatically begins to attempt to locate the father. If the father is found, the state requires him to begin repaying the welfare payments it has made to support the child. After that, he will have to pay child support.
``Teenage fathers must understand that they will be tracked down,'' Macon said.
We hope that your baby's father will see himself as a father and not just as a supplier of Pampers. MEMO: Vorando Mack is a senior at Norview High School and Karen Baranski is a
senior at Green Run High School. You can ask questions by calling
INFOLINE at 640-5555 and entering category 8335, or write to them at
Listen Up!, 4565 Virginia Beach Blvd., Virginia Beach, Va. 23462.
by CNB