THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, January 8, 1996 TAG: 9601060060
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: B5 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 82 lines
I KICKED OFF my shoes before a crackling fire as the year's end drew near and tried to think what I would choose if given one wish for the world which would come true in 1996.
The wish candidates bounced off my brain like pingpong balls. Wooden coat hangers replacing wire ones was high on the list.
Ditto for an end to Ed McMahon's TV commercials for Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes.
A permanent peace in Bosnia made the list. And the total elimination of any reference to Madonna in print, on the radio, or TV.
When I finally made my decision I was surprised by it. I decided that if I could give the world anything it would be good manners.
Good manners, I decided, are like paint - more than merely cosmetic, preventing moral rot.
Over the holidays I glanced through a copy of Louis Rubin's always useful volume: A Writer's Companion. There - among the listing of musical terms in Italian - I ran across the word ``allegretto.'' (Which I had assumed was a funky-smelling cigarette shared by hippies arranged in a circle on the floor.)
Allegretto means ``rather rapidly but gracefully.'' In a computerized, fast-food society, where both parents are often wage-earners, rapid is the pace of the times. Nothing can be done about it, I suspect.
But the graceful part is lacking everywhere I look. Especially in me. One of my many faults is that of holding others to standards I cannot meet. Then I lose my temper. I am guilty of bad manners.
Good manners used to be a big part of the Southern identity. But the supply is dwindling. And our country is nearly fresh out in many places. Those places are no farther away than your telephone. Have you tried calling a big business - one which regularly takes your money in exchange for services - recently? A recording answers, urging you to push various buttons depending on your needs. Push a button and you get a busy signal, the line goes dead, or the person you're supposed to speak with has a recording on his or her phone.
That's bad business and bad manners.
The bad manners go from top to bottom. Witness the mud-slinging and name-calling on both sides of the aisles in Congress during the budget crisis which shut down much of the government.
Or the sorry spectacle of the O.J. Simpson trial in which defense and prosecution spoke of their legal opponents in terms usually applied to vermin, with enough insults left over to smear the judge.
Good manners, which are nothing more than common courtesy and consideration for others, are not trivial. They are the stitches binding society together, not hoity-toity trifles dealing with how to hold a teacup or which fork to use.
Considerate words like ``please' and ``thank you,'' and especially ``I apologize'' (on behalf of myself and my company) are usages which keep our already-frayed society from ripping apart.
I read a lot from both major political parties about the dissolution of the family, the increase in crime and the absence of family values. Each of those problems is linked to the absence of good manners, which is simply doing unto others as you'd like them to do unto you.
There are many who believe our schools should teach family values since millions of young people grow up without a father - sometimes without a mother - in the home.
That's a tall order. But a course in good manners - not stressing only usage but the philosophy that led to their creation - would do more for our country at this moment than any computer course, no matter how practical.
Science and technology have made such gigantic strides in the last half of this century
But of what value is that acquired knowledge - and the longer and more comfortable life it promises - if we cannot get along with our neighbors? It is no accident the most prominent island nations tend to have manners superior to others. Think of Britain or Japan. They learned centuries ago that good manners are not merely ornamental but absolutely vital when living shoulder to shoulder in a tightly confined space.
It is a lesson we have yet to master. We are playing our parts, but there is too much discord and little harmony as we speed on the train of our lives toward the 21st century. Sure, there are plenty of aggravations out there. But that's no excuse for bad manners.
A little more allegretto, conductor. Please. by CNB