THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, January 9, 1996 TAG: 9601090240
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Dave Addis
STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Short : 50 lines
1. Why did City Hall offices close but Taco Bell stayed open? Is a hot burrito worth that much more than a cold bureaucrat?
2. The federal government was to reopen Monday, but God shut it down again. Is there a lesson in this? Can Newt and the Republicans claim The Big Guy is on their side in the budget debate? Should Clinton take a new poll?
3. Why did NASA close? Was it snowing in space?
4. How do the TV, radio and newspapers analyze the same data and come up with such different forecasts? Do they take turns deciding who gets to be right?
5. Why do we always get about half the snow that's predicted? Who gets the rest of it?
Why was the radio guy still reading school closings at 11 a.m.? Wasn't it sort of beside the point by then?
Why did the Phantom of the Opera leave town the night the storm started? Did he know something we didn't? Was Dr. Duane the guy behind the mask all along?
Why do they close the Navy bases when it snows? It's not clogging the sea lanes, is it?
Why, if there is only one nut case on an icy highway, is he always riding my bumper? Does he wait around the corner for me to leave the house? Is he waiting in the parking lot to tail me home again?
Why do the worst snowstorms come from the South, where it's warm, instead of the North, where it's cold? Do we owe Canada an apology?
Why didn't anybody interrupt the NFL games Sunday to tell us downtown Norfolk was exploding? Wasn't that worth one of those little creeper lines at the bottom of the screen, like they do if a thunderstorm is coming?
Why does everybody think a snow day is the perfect occasion to wear the stupidest-looking hats in the world?
Saturday morning, everybody ran out and bought enough food for a month. Will all those cans of Campbell's Soup take up space next to the Dinty Moore we didn't eat during the last hurricane? Should we declare a region-wide Eat From a Can Day so we'll have room in our cupboards again?
And, finally, will we exercise the same bizarre behavior the next time we get a little snow?
That last one is the easiest to answer. by CNB