THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, January 26, 1996 TAG: 9601240138
SECTION: PORTSMOUTH CURRENTS PAGE: 04 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY REBECCA A. MYERS, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 64 lines
The setting was a prayer breakfast, but the 200-plus people who were there got some down-to-earth advice on what's really important in raising children:
Bring them up so they can live without you - and you have less time to do it than your own parents had.
That was the central message from Old Dominion University educator Katharine Kersey, keynote speaker Tuesday at the Mayor's Annual Prayer Breakfast.
Kersey, chairwoman of ODU's department of child study and special education, spoke before 208 people who dined on a buffet-style breakfast. In its 25th year, the event was co-sponsored by the city of Portsmouth and Norfolk Naval Shipyard. The program included remarks by shipyard commander Capt. William R. Klemm as well as military chaplains, local ministers and Mayor Gloria O. Webb.
Kersey is a professor of early childhood education and the mother of three grown children. She and her husband, Dr. Wilbur Kersey, pastor of Court Street Baptist Church, have lived in Portsmouth for 35 years.
She stood at a lectern in the main ballroom of the Holiday Inn on Tuesday, discussing ways parents can help their children become capable, responsible, self-motivated and productive adults.
The most important job parents have is to work themselves out of a job, she said.
``Our job is to get our children ready to live without us,'' and parents have very little time to do this, she added.
``It used to be 18 years that we had to do that job. Then, when my daughter became 16 and she was driving, I realized she better have a good head on her shoulders.''
Later, when Kersey's older son turned 14, she had to acknowledge that ``whether he wanted to obey me or not was really up to him.''
``And now I think we have about 12 years to do the job.
``I think our society has gotten so different for our young people that by the time they're 12, they better have a good head on their shoulders.''
Children today live in a different world than we did 50 years ago, when the most prevalent school-related concerns included running in the hall, chewing gum and cutting in line, Kersey said.
``Our problems today are drug and alcohol abuse, assault, rape, robbery, depression and suicide.''
Though the world may be different, Kersey believes the needs of all children have remained the same.
``A child comes to us totally helpless and dependent, and he would fail to thrive without the love and care of a nurturing parent.'' But Kersey warns against being a ``helicopter parent,'' one who swoops down and saves his or her children from all of life's little obstacles.
``We need to help them exercise their `struggle muscles,' '' she said.
Before ending, Kersey challenged parents to spend at least 15 minutes a day with each of their children - alone and doing whatever the child chooses.
``Scratch out your calendar from 7 to 7:15 and don't answer the phone, don't engage in any other conversations and don't be available to anyone else.
``It's the best investment you will ever make in your children.'' by CNB