THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, January 28, 1996 TAG: 9601250075
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: HE SAID, SHE SAID
SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY & DAVE ADDIS
LENGTH: Medium: 94 lines
DAVE SAYS:
I've long known you're far above average as a woman and a journalist, Kerry, but the evidence keeps growing: A recent Wall Street Journal story revealed that the average American woman's foot is a size 8, wide.
Your shoes, as we all know, are size 9 1/2.
My first apartment was smaller than that. Thor Heyerdahl sailed the South Pacific on a raft half that size.
You could hitch sled dogs to one of your shoes and win the Iditarod.
OK, OK, calm down. Just teasin'. I'm a long-time campaigner against women ruining their feet by jamming them into shoes two sizes too small just so they'll look ``dainty'' - presumably to appeal to men, who in reality couldn't care less what size a woman's feet are.
Kerry, I have never, ever heard one guy say to another: ``Y'know, I'd really like to ask Janie out on a date, but have you ever seen the size of her feet? I mean, you could make a decent bass boat from one of her sneakers.''
Trust me, pal. The subject never comes up.
I learned something about all this years ago, when Kay and I first started dating. She's a tall lady, and elegant, and very practical in most matters. But for years she'd been cramming her dogs into wedge-shaped Italian torture chambers that were way, way too small.
Her shoes looked very prim next to mine. Then I started to notice that on the beach she left a footprint that . . . well, let's just say it wasn't hard to tell which ones were Kay's and which ones were the seagulls'.
And her toes were all scrunched up and malformed, shaped sort of like the business end of a garden trowel. Her feet hurt all the time.
She's far from alone. That Wall Street Journal article said women's average foot size is an 8 wide, but the best-selling shoe size is a 7 1/2 medium. If that's true, Kerry, a lot of women are paying for an inch of vanity with a couple of feet of pain.
It took a while, but I convinced Kay that I didn't care what size her feet were. But I cared very much whether she'd still be able to walk a couple years from now.
Her feet are free now, Kerry, and I'd swear she can actually smile with her toes.
KERRY SAYS:
You had to bring up this very painful subject, didn't you, Dave?
Watch out, brother, or next week's column will examine one of your many physical imperfections. Like, is that your belt or is the fire department missing a hose?
But I digress.
That newspaper story was praising women who are tired of jamming their feet into too-tight shoes. Women, they say, are demanding comfort in their dress shoes.
In other words, sensible shoes are back.
Well, Dave, when I think sensible shoes I think of my dear departed Aunt Jen who wore her stockings knotted below the knee, had more facial hair than you and shod her feet in black-laced oxfords with a 1 1/2-inch heel. She was comfortable, all right, but she would have given the editors at Vogue a collective coronary.
I vowed early on never to emulate Aunt Jen, and I won't start now.
I will continue to cram my feet into sleek pumps because they look great. You will never see me in a pair of Rockport shoes unless I'm walking to Maine.
Maybe it was my mother - the bunion queen - who pointed out that a high heel shortened the look of a big foot. That was way back in the 6th grade when I was 4-foot-10 and already wearing a size 8.
Maybe it was some cunning shoe salesman who convinced me that high heels make your legs look prettier and give short women a bit of altitude.
Whoever is to blame, the result is feet that are best hidden inside top-grain cowhide, and a private dream of mine to have my little toe on my left foot amputated.
So although I endure daily torture, I grudgingly admire young women who are choosing comfort over fashion.
But the Journal article goes too far. They actually found an executive who pairs Birkenstocks - you know, those clunky sandals that are about as pretty as a Dodge minivans - with her business suits.
It's times like this you want to weep that the Journal doesn't use more photographs.
I have a pair of white, three-strap Birkenstocks that feel like heaven when I buckle them on. But they look like some sort of orthopedic device. I've actually had people offer me their handicapped parking spot when I clump out of my car in them.
Worse, the manic European cobblers who make them insist on a whole different set of sizes. I may be a 9 1/2 in America, but to those gnomes at Birkenstock I'm a whopping 41.
Call me vain, Dave, but I'd rather have pinched toes than admit to wearing anything that's a size 41. MEMO: Kerry Dougherty can be reached at 446-2302, and via e-mail at
kerryd(at)infi.net. Dave Addis can be reached at 446-2588, and
addis(at)infi.net. by CNB