THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, February 14, 1996 TAG: 9602140023
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E6 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: By DEBRA GORDON, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 56 lines
WHILE GREG GODEK is teaching romance, others with a more academic bent are actually studying it.
Psychology professor Darhl Pedersen of Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, surveyed single and married students about their perceptions of romance.
Although he found that men and women both know romance when they see it, Pedersen says men don't necessarily appreciate grand romantic gestures as much as women do. He found that, especially after marriage, men aren't as enthusiastic about the ``wooing.''
He also found that people tend to express romance in five major ways:
Togetherness. Doing things together, even lifting weights together. ``The idea here is it's romantic just to be with your partner,'' he says.
Expressions. Expressing your affection for another person in a variety of ways, like buying a rose ``just because,'' snuggling while listening to soft music, having a long talk and holding hands during a walk at night. ``It goes beyond just togetherness; it's a subtle expression of caring.''
Concern and communication. This involves such things as calling your lover just to say ``hi,'' or ``I love you,'' communicating extensively and frequently, telling your lover about your problems and concerns and trying to resolve them.
Romancing. This goes beyond expressions, Pedersen says. It includes such actions as dancing in the headlights of a parked car with the car stereo on. Leaving notes for your lover that say, ``I love you.'' Asking your spouse for a date. ``It's what we typically think of as romancing behaviors,'' he says.
Colorado State University speech communications instructor Bruce Dorries began studying romance because, as a communications specialist, he was interested in the messages people send.
He describes romance as the ``dessert'' to the ``meal'' of the relationship.
``It adds excitement to the full course, but it is not substantive,'' Dorries says. ``It has substance, it definitely nourishes the relationship, but if you plan on creating a meal just out of dessert, eventually the body, which is the relationship, is going to suffer malnutrition.''
Many cultures go without romance entirely, he says. ``Romance is a very recent phenomenon. It didn't exist through much of human existence. Our notion of romance is primarily a product of Hollywood.''
Still, Dorries' research shows that observing holidays like Valentine's Day is important in keeping a relationship intact. Not because of the romantic nature of the day but because of its cultural significance.
``It's important for couples to maintain ceremonial behaviors,'' he says. ``They have symbolic meaning far greater than the actual activity people engage in.'' by CNB