THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Thursday, February 15, 1996 TAG: 9602150363
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: CHARLISE LYLES
LENGTH: Medium: 76 lines
Beatrice Wilkins has had no time to go see ``Waiting to Exhale.''
This 90-year-old sister-girl has been too busy getting ready for her wedding.
Relationship problems??? Puleeezh. She and her man have got a groove going on! So good, in fact, that they renewed their vows after 51 years in a Valentine's Day ceremony at Sentara Nursing Center.
Activities coordinator Deborah Freeman can arrange my wedding any day.
The chandeliered cafeteria was the color of love.
Above rows and rows of wheelchairs floated balloons and ribbons, pink, red and white. Crepe paper valentines warmed the walls. Candles burned golden. An overflow of blushing well-wishers peeked inside.
In a baritone that summoned Cupid, Norfolk State University Professor Joseph Dancy recited love poems:
``I love thee for what I am when I am with you.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.''
Norfolk Vice Mayor Paul Riddick gave the bride away.
The Rev. G.G. Campbell Jr. preached the vows and blessed the rings. (And blessed is he for looking just like Denzel!)
``Will you receive this ring from me as a token of my affection, sincerity and fidelity toward you?''
``Yes,'' said the bride decked in a long-trained, white satin gown from Wedding Bells.
``Yes,'' said groom Raymond Wilkins - a little slow to answer.
Then Kevin McKinnon belted out ``One in a Million'' so beautifully that everyone in the house felt special.
All the while, I wondered what does sister-girl Beatrice know that I don't know?
About 90 women who met at Maryview Medical Center in Portsmouth on Tuesday night wondered the same thing. They talked about relationships, spurred by ``Waiting to Exhale,'' the movie about four African-American women searching for love.
``Can we all just get along?''
In these divorce-ridden times, love is hard to hold on to. For blacks, even harder.
Men whose egos have grown fat climbing the success ladder in a hostile society find it hard to compromise.
And some women, according to ``How to Marry A Black Man,'' published this month, think that we are such a ``fierce, powerful force to be reckoned with'' that no black man can handle us.
The Wilkinses are marriage mentors who can help fledgling lovers hold together the relationship that is the foundation of society - if we're willing to listen. They've kept it together through far more trying tribulations. Surely, we can do the same.
They offer the timeless bottom line on loving:
``Trust in each other.''
``Believe in each other. You have to.''
``Don't ever go to bed angry.''
Please note that sister-girl has her a young man, two years her junior. Maybe that's part of the love potion.
``When you get a man you just have to try to treat him right,'' says the bride.
But what does that mean in this age of independent women who are unwilling to play the roles that their mothers played?
The bride patted her veil of scattered pearls and bows. A woman shouldn't aggravate her husband, she said finally. ``Don't keep riding on his shoulders. Let him have some fresh air.'' (There goes that breathing metaphor again.)
``Me and my husband, we work together. If we have an argument - everybody has those - I just leave the room. We don't come back until we cool down.''
I wanted to know more of sister-girl's secrets of love. But she would retire soon to the Aloha!/``Just Married'' suite, complete with satin pillow cases. On the doorknob was a sign nursing home workers took to heart.
``Do Not Disturb.'' by CNB