THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, February 16, 1996 TAG: 9602160142
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: LISTEN UP!
LENGTH: Medium: 59 lines
DEAR KAREN AND VORANDO: About six months ago, I began to develop a crush on one of my co-workers. I knew that he had a girlfriend and that they had been together for two years. I really didn't care so I began flirting and letting him know that I was interested.
One day I got really brave and kissed him and to my surprise, he kissed back. From that day on, we were secretly together.
When he and his girlfriend broke up (not because of our secret relationship) I was there to console him, but secretly I was happy that he was free. But after they broke up, she was all he talked about.
One night while we were alone, things went farther than it should and we had sex. From then on, he ignored me.
Now I see him at work and want so badly to hate him for the way he made me feel but I find myself wanting to hold him more than anything.
So my question is: Should I discuss with him how badly he hurt me and hope we can be friends again or is it too risky for me emotionally to be around him now? - Head Over Heels
Dear Head Over Heels: First we'd like for you to examine if your self-worth is more important than this guy. You want to be with a guy who wasn't considerate of you - or his girlfriend if you two were ``secretly together'' - so it seems as if you need to stop and think about how you feel about yourself.
You should be the most important thing to you right now. If not, you might be suffering from low self-esteem. Our suggestion is to look within yourself and ask: ``Am I worthy of love and respect?'' and ``Do I like myself?'' Hopefully, the answer is ``yes.''
If not, you should try daily affirmations to regain your sense of pride and self-worth. Look in the mirror and say to yourself at least five times, ``I like myself,'' and ``I am worth it.'' You may feel a little bit stupid at first but it can help. Try sustaining a strong, positive image - walk with your head high and look forward to your plans for the next day.
You don't want to become a snob but you do want to be a strong, confident person that others cannot trample.
Once you've focused your attention on you, you should be ready to confront this guy and talk it over with him. Tell him how he made you feel when he had sex with you and then ignored you. Reversing the roles might help. Maybe after talking, you two will discover there's a possibility for a friendship. You might also discover this is someone you really don't want to be around; if he was a jerk in the past, he might be a jerk in the future.
The point to remember is that you are the most important person in your life. You are the only one that will take care of you physically and emotionally for the rest of your life. MEMO: Vorando Mack is a senior at Norview High School and Karen Baranski is a
senior at Green Run High School. Their column appears biweekly in
Teenology. You can ask questions by calling INFOLINE at 640-5555 and
entering category 8335, or write to them at Listen Up!, 4565 Virginia
Beach Blvd., Virginia Beach, Va. 23462. by CNB