THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, March 2, 1996 TAG: 9603020045
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 80 lines
And Buchanan Is on a Roll. The rough and tumble Republican presidential primaries have been a steady diet for TV political round-tables, particularly last weekend's edition of ``The Capital Gang'' on CNN.
Patrick Buchanan's surprising win in the New Hampshire primary called for an analysis by Howard Fineman, a political writer for Newsweek magazine.
What about Lamar Alexander's chances, Fineman was asked. Not good, he said. ``Alexander is milk toast.''
And what about Dole?
``Dole is toast,'' Fineman responded.
Which prompted a Chicago newspaperman to suggest that perhaps megamillion-dollar candidate Steve Forbes is``a croissant.''
Off camera, the Washington Times quoted U.S. Sen. Fritz Hollings of South Carolina, a Democrat, who noted that President Clinton's voter approval percentages have been rising.
Hollings said beltway insiders believe that if Clinton's approval ratings hit 60 percent, he will begin dating again!
A columnist president? I haven't seen it noted elsewhere, but it occurs to me that two of the leading Republican presidential candidates - Buchanan and Forbes - are columnists.
Which is probably why pundits are saying they are the only two primary candidates with ideas.
The average columnist has an idea about every 30 seconds. And a good idea about twice a year.
If I were nominating a columnist for president, I'd have to select my good friend Sam Lowe of The Phoenix Gazette, who doesn't mess with politics but offers advice on major problems facing the country.
Here is Sam's solution to the exactly-where-did-I-park-my-car? problem: ``Parking garages should take a tip from zoos and Disneyland. Instead of numbering the floors, they should be designated with pictures of things like gila monsters, Donald Duck or Miss Piggy.
Sam says that although you may forget you are on the fifth level, you will never forget you are on Mickey Mouse's floor.
Another thing I like about Sam is that he raises profound questions to challenge our intellects. Only this week he asked readers why it is that dogs try to stuff all their toys in their mouth at the same time and walk back and forth in front of their masters?
Liz Biz. David Letterman's ``Late Show'' Top Ten Rejected Names for Liz Taylor's New Perfume.
10. Aging Legend.
9. Prince Manicotti.
8. Husband 5.
7. Ball n Socket.
6. Who's Cooking Cabbage?
5. National Velveeta.
4. I Smell a Divorce.
3. For External Use Only.
2. I Need Cash.
1. Sniff This.
Doo-Dah doings. Festevents reports that entries are spilling in from units wanting to be in the Downtown Doo-Dah Parade, all hoping to win the coveted Fool's Cup. The parade - on March 29, beginning at 12:30 p.m.- will proceed up Norfolk's Main Street before folding back on itself in the vicinity of Waterside Drive.
Meteorologist Duane Harding, the parade's grand marshal, is providing Festevents with weather information and will continue his bulletins up to the moment the parade starts, including up-to-the-minute information on meteor showers, lunar eclipses and frogs that fall from the sky.
This year will be the first time that the Colonial Coast Girl Scouts will be represented. The girls will march as Girl Scout Cookies, along with Dancing M&Ms, the Cheap Twirling Pizzas and the Marching Macaroons.
If your group would like to enter, the deadline for filing is Friday, March 22. For more information, phone 441-2345. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo
Steve Forbes
by CNB