THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, March 10, 1996 TAG: 9603110197
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY MAL VINCENT, ENTERTAINMENT WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 126 lines
``I don't believe in dying,'' George Burns said as his laughing eyes peered through his thick glasses. ``I'm looking for a new exit. I'm not interested in dying. I've died often enough on stage. Besides, I can't die, I'm booked.''
George Burns, the grandfather of us all, knew what he was talking about.
We like to think that he just changed bookings. The angels must be having a hoot putting up with his cigar smoke.
The vaudevillian who has played God (tennis-shoed and baseball-capped in ``Oh, God'') is most prized for playing himself.
It will always be that way.
Coming not long after his 100th birthday, his death seems particularly poignant.
Burnisms from other years come flashing back - little gems of wisdom as much as simple laughs. Burns once told me, ``I use the same lines over and over anyway. You'll laugh. I can tell. You're a laugher. I can spot them a mile away. The thing that peeves me, though, is that you don't have to buy a ticket for an interview. You get it free.''
First came the smoke. Then the cigar. Then the spectacles. He dashed cigar ashes as he growled, at Caesar's Palace, that his general theory for happiness is ``a good martini, a good cigar, a good meal and a good woman - or a bad woman, depending on just how much happiness you can take.''
``My memory is as good as it ever was. I can always remember what's written on the check. If the figure is right, I can remember everything. If not, I can't remember anything,'' he said.
Winning an Osar for ``The Sunshine Boys,'' Burns explained that ``I learned that you can act while sitting down. I always had to stand up to sing. I've been doing drama for years. People used to cry when I'd get up to sing. Once I had a contract for three performances at $5 each and the theater manager offered me $20 not to do it. I took it.''
He always chuckled just before flicking his cigar and taking another puff.
He married Gracie Allen in 1926. ``I owed her $200,'' he said. ``Gracie married me to be sure she could collect. When I married Gracie, I retired. I'd say, `Gracie, how's your brother?' and she talked for 38 years. That was retirement for me. When Gracie retired, I had to go back to work.''
He told about how he visited Gracie's grave once a month. ``I talk to her and tell her how I'm doing. I try out some of the jokes on her and ask her to put in a good word for me up there.''
Interviewing comedians is one of the more harrowing jobs in covering show business. They are usually ultra-neurotic and they hardly ever read funny. George Burns was an exception. His dry delivery never begs for a laugh, and his emphasis on the nonphysical means that his material needs no description. ``Physical? Who needs to try that? Who CAN try that?'' he once said.
Asked to describe a typical day, George Burns, at age 89, did it this way:
``I get eight hours of sleep, but I stay in bed longer. I get up at about 8. For me, there's no such thing as getting out of bed on the wrong side. At my age, to get out of bed at all is an achievement. I walk around the bed once. That's my workout. I'm usually in my office by 10 a.m. to work with the writers. In vaudeville, Gracie and I could work up one routine and make money for 10 years. Now, with television, you're supposed to have a new routine every time out. That's why I hired writers. They're paid very well. I usually tell them what to write.''
At noon, he went to the Hillcrest Country Club in Beverly Hills to have lunch. From 1 to 3 p.m., he played bridge. ``A lot of my old partners are dead. Jack Benny used to play, but I had trouble with Jack. Bridge requires concentration and Jack would break up laughing at everything I said. I never had a better audience than Jack. Now, some of my partners' hearing aids don't work so good.''
``Sometimes,'' he added, ``I find three young girls to fill out the table. Finding bridge partners and and doctors are an increasing problem. Most of my doctors, the ones who kept telling me to stop smoking cigars, are dead. Then I go back home and from 3 to 5 every afternoon I take a nap. Then I get up and go out on a date.''
Often at interviews, he was accompanied by statuesque blondes. On one occasion, he introduced his date. ``This is Cathy Carr,'' he said. ``I've been dating her for about four years.'' He added, in a lower voice, ``Cathy is from a very rich family. I'm after her money. She knows that.''
He chuckled.
Through the years, we gathered opinions from other folks.
Bob Hope: ``The first time I saw George Burns on stage I could see he had what it takes to become a big star - Gracie Allen.''
Walter Matthau: ``I did `The Sunshine Boys' with George, and everything I know about acting I learned from Jack Lemmon.''
Told about the comments, Burns said: ``I've beat most of them in bridge. Most of them owe me money, so they have to like me.''
Most of all, George Burns was an attitude. No matter what our age, George was the no-nonsense old guy who was going to have a good time. He taught us not only how to laugh; he taught us how to live.
It was Bette Davis who once said, ``Old age is not for sissies.'' Maybe so, but George Burns knew how to beat it.
At the end of his show, he always turned and muttered ``Say, g'night, Gracie'' to his partner. Somehow, it may be that the George Burns and Gracie Allen Show is finally trying out new material.
Some might say that even George Burns eventually had to give in to mortality, but his death was not a defeat.
George Burns knew how to live. That was the important thing. ILLUSTRATION: Photo
Inseparable to the end:
George and Gracie
Graphic
THE NATION REMEMBERS
Bob Hope: ``It's been hard to imagine show business before George
Burns. Now, it's difficult to imagine show business without him. . .
. This is once when 100 years seems so short a time.''
Milton Berle: ``I'm going to miss him terribly. . . . He's up
there in heaven with Gracie, doing their act. And if I know George,
he'll be throwing one-liners at St. Peter.''
Carol Channing: ``There'll never be another era like George
Burns' 100 years. What he stands for is the dignity and the
aristocracy of show business.''
President Clinton: ``George Burns' sense of timing and
captivating smile touched the hearts and funny bones of more than
three generations. He enabled us to see humor in the toughest of
times and laugh together as a nation.''
Former President Ronald Reagan and his wife, Nancy: ``George
Burns was truly one of a kind and a close friend for over 60 years.
He was one of America's greatest entertainers and will be sorely
missed by everyone.''
Phyllis McGuire of The McGuire Sisters: ``He was an irreplaceable
treasure. There will never be anyone like him again.''
by CNB