THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, March 13, 1996 TAG: 9603130032
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Madrry
LENGTH: Medium: 82 lines
IT IS WRITTEN that no good deed goes unpunished.
Just when we thought our Amazing Hampton Roads Houseplant Contest was proceeding smoothly, there have been a number of setbacks.
First came a letter from Dr. Duane Harding, our favorite meteorologist. Dr. Duane, you will recall, was fired from his forecasting job at a local television station. (An example of bad corporate thinking rivaling a network decision some years ago to switch from the Oakland Raiders-New York Jets game to a re-run of ``Heidi.'')
When we last talked to Dr. Duane, who is to be grand marshall of this year's Doo-Dah Parade in Norfolk on March 29, he agreed to ride in a float holding the winner of the Amazing Hampton Roads Houseplant Contest in his lap.
He seemed pleased with the idea at the time.
Now he writes us - in the middle of the contest - that if he is going to hold a cacti in his lap it ``must be clean-shaven.''
Worse, he says he fears being identified with the houseplant contest will give his former viewers the impression he intends to ``leaf'' the area. He says he wants to stay here.
There have been other problems. Not the least of which is a lot of name-calling and pot-tossing by the judges, who failed to reach a unanimous verdict on the contest winner.
The good news, however, is that we had wonderful entries in the contest.
Here are just a few examples:
Jackie Kirman of Brackerenridge Road in Norfolk entered her ponytail plant which enjoys sex ``when occasional pollen blows by.'' The plant's favorte movie star, she reports, is the man-eating plant in ``Little Shop of Horrors.
Jackie says the plant, named P.T., spends its spare time caring for the dogs and cats in the house who chew on its leaves, helping ``many a dog throw up what they never should have eaten in the first place.''
She has enclosed a photo of P.T. seated in a lawn chair in front of a table with three wine glasses and snacks on it, accompanied by a pair of pointer dogs wearing funny ears and deely-bobbers. The photo is entitled ``P.T. Partying With the Pointer Sisters.'' Get out of here!
Another great entry is from Grace Moskowitz whose prayer plant is shown wearing sunglasses and a bow tie. Grace says the plant gets down on its knees each night praying that it will get to ride in Dr. Duane's lap.
We also want to thank Kimberly Rosswaag and Phyllis Neal for sending us the entries from their classes at Crittenden Middle School in Newport News. Each of the students wrote about their plants and included a photo. Several of the students were shown holding only seeds. (An argument over whether a seed was eligible for the contest led to shouting, the use of fertilizer words and a food fight among the judges.)
Kimberly Deur of West Ocean View Ave. in Norfolk, wrote that her philodendron has been in the same pot for 12 years while giving birth to more than 20 new plants and is an accomplished typist!
Our friend Jo Howren of Dandelion Crescent in Virginia Beach encloses a photo of her plant Miss Sally whose genealogy ``can be traced back 200 years to the time when Marie Antoinette was losing her head.''
Sylvan Yavner of Haygood Road in Virginia Beach encloses a photo of his egg-growing plant that grows colored eggs, posed beside a neighborhood chicken which eyes it suspiciously.
And now, a drum roll please, maestro. . . the winner of the contest is Bert, a cactus owned by Jim Ramsey of Great Neck Road in Virginia Beach which is the plant equivalent of a smile button with a feather growing out of its head. Jim says that despite increasing crime, pollution, and taxes, Bert just keeps ``that silly grin on his face.''
Dr. Duane - who flatly refuses to hold any cactus on his lap - will pull Bert in a wagon at the head of the parade.
The judges - who are no longer speaking to each other - would nevertheless like to say a thank you to all who entered the contest. You all did a great job.
By the way, the deadline for units wishing to take part in this year's parade is Friday. Phone the Festevents office at 441-2345. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo
The winner of our plant contest: Bert, a Virginia Beach cactus
by CNB