THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, March 19, 1996 TAG: 9603190039
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY CHARLENE CASON, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 152 lines
Life in the military means deployments, separations, and regular transfers to new duties, new cities.
It can be a headache for any family.
Consider, then, the husband and wife with double duty: Navy couples who have the same job.
Sometimes these couples disagree about work, are competitive, or they just don't want to talk shop. But, most of the time, married couples with the same Navy rate - or job description - say they like the arrangement.
They understand one another, from the jargon of the job - CINCLANTFLT, detailer, facility watch supervisor - to the stresses of the assignment. Cooperation, especially when it comes to child care, is essential. They tend to be each others' best cheerleaders and soul soothers.
``There are so many benefits, and tremendous advantages, to couples having the same careers, as long as they're not highly competitive,'' said Alice L. Twining, a Virginia Beach psychologist who has counseled couples who do the same work for the past 25 years.
``They have a unique understanding; they know the jargon; they usually have the same background and training. Consequently, they tend to have the same values and priorities.
``They have empathy for one another because they have, literally, walked in each other's shoes,'' Twining said.
There is no Navy regulation against married couples with the same rate being assigned to the same command, said Lt. Kelly Watson, public affairs assistant at the Bureau of Naval Personnel in Washington.
It's up to each command, she said. ``If the command needs both people and they won't be working together, where one is supervising the other, then it's fine.''
In fact, the Navy has tried to station married couples together, or in the same area, Watson said.
This assignment consideration extends to sea duty; the Navy tries not to have both a husband and wife deployed simultaneously, particularly when children are involved.
And married couples are not allowed to serve on the same ship.
Here are three Navy couples stationed near one another - which doesn't necessarily mean they spend a lot of time together.
Petty Officers First Class Brian and Sandy Suver are two air traffic controllers passing in the night - or in the afternoon, or even in the morning. Both are on shift work, she in the Norfolk Naval Air Station's air operations tower and he in Oceana's. Each has been in the Navy for 10 years.
They have two children, Brigette, 6, and Shannon, 16 months.
``The Navy doesn't accommodate child care for shift workers,'' said Brian, 30. ``There's nothing on base after 6 p.m. This has been our whole dilemma since we've had children.''
The couple tries to use as little private child care as possible. So they look for different schedules that keep one parent at home with their daughters.
``Friends say they can't believe we're able to keep our family together,'' said Sandy, 29. ``But we've made a decision to sacrifice our time together now for the children; they won't be around forever.''
The Suvers used to be professionally competitive, she said, arguing at home over who had the better solution to work situations. They finally made an agreement not to discuss air traffic controlling at home. ``It just causes too much conflict,'' Sandy said. ``When we're at home together, we're there to help each other.''
Sandy believes Brian's willingness to do an equal share of child care, cooking, cleaning, laundry and yard work is ``a learned behavior.'' He's the middle son of three brothers who weren't raised doing housework.
Both Brian and Sandy want to remain in the Navy until retirement, but, they say, ``the reality is that we probably won't be stationed together again. We can't both go to sea duty, and the idea of one on a ship and one on shift work just doesn't work. So whoever is senior in rank when it comes time to make the decision will stay in; the other one will get out.''
Senior Chief Greg and Chief Katie Marlatt know that, as independent duty corpsmen, they'll probably never be stationed together. Independent duty corpsmen are usually placed in supervisory positions, often serving as the only medical person onboard a ship.
Greg, 35, is the leading chief petty officer in the medical department of the aircraft carrier Theodore Roosevelt, which is in the Norfolk Naval Shipyard for maintenance. He supervises four chief petty officers and 30 enlisted men.
Katie, 31, is the leading chief petty officer in the emergency room of Portsmouth Naval Medical Center, where she supervises 70 enlisted corpsmen and technicians.
Both unabashedly refer to themselves as ``hyper,'' nonstop talkers who exude a love of the medical field and a love of the Navy.
They can ``have a long conversation, using all acronyms and jargon, and make it a lot shorter conversation,'' joked Greg. ``Some days we don't want to hear anything about work, other days we feed off each other.''
The first thing each does when they get home from work, usually around the same time, is ``get out of the uniform and let our hair down,'' Katie said.
That means spending as much time as possible with Daniel, 7, and Samantha, 5, watching cartoons, going to the park and eating together.
``Our jobs are almost identical,'' said Greg, who is about 5-foot-6. ``I have to stand a little taller in my uniform, because of my rank. I have a persona to maintain.''
Katie is about 5-foot-3.
``But when I get home, Katie and I are the same height,'' he said. ``We share the load, even take turns sleeping in on weekend mornings. I have my job, but my family is my life. If I didn't have the family, why would I need the job?''
If the family that plays together stays together, Petty Officers Third Class Steve and Beth Henry should have a successful marriage.
They work together every day, not quite side by side but in the same room. Steve, 37, is a percussionist, and Beth, 25, plays the tenor saxophone, flute and clarinet in the Atlantic Fleet Band.
They met at the Armed Forces School of Music and have been married a little less than two years.
What's it like for two artists to live and work together day in and day out?
Beth smiled and said: ``My mother always told me not to marry another musician. I told her I didn't; I married a drummer.''
Although the couple understands one another's need to practice and study music, and they certainly can speak musical jargon, they rarely talk about work at home.
``We have the two-minute rule,'' said Beth, who is expecting the couple's first child the end of May. ``If one of us needs to talk about work at home, we're allowed to do it for two minutes, no more.''
They're not competitive, they say, primarily because they play such widely different instruments, in different sections of the band. In addition, each is a member of ensembles that are separate from the larger Navy band.
``She's more talented than I am, and she has more musical education,'' said Steve. ``She encourages me to talk about my feelings; she keeps me on an even keel.''
The two ride to work together in the couple's only car, and if one has an evening engagement to perform with an ensemble, the other waits at the Atlantic Fleet Band headquarters, often rehearsing. One way or another, each is playing music 10 to 12 hours a day.
``It takes a certain breed to be a musician, and a certain breed to be married to one,'' Beth said. ``We both take the Navy seriously, and we take music seriously. To do that, I need grounding. Steve is my anchor point.'' ILLUSTRATION: Color photo by Lawrence Jackson/The Virginian-Pilot
Mess Call: Air traffic controllers Sandy and Bryan Suver work
different schedules so they can care for daughters Brigette and
Shannon.
Color photo by Christopher Reddick/The Virginian-Pilot
Making music<: Petty Officers Steve Henry, above, and wife Beth,
left, play together in the Atlantic Fleet Band but also in separate
ensembles.
VICKI CRONIS\The Virginian-Pilot
Chief Petty Officer Katie Marlatt conducts a staff meeting at
Portsmouth Naval Hospital, above, then lets husband Greg supervise
lunch for son Daniel, 7, and a friend, right.
by CNB