THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, March 24, 1996 TAG: 9603200045
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: HE SAID, SHE SAID
SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY & DAVE ADDIS
LENGTH: Medium: 82 lines
DAVE SAYS:
Good news for your daughter, Kerry. The folks at Mattel, who've been molding Barbie dolls since you were a rug-rat, have come out with a major upgrade for Ken.
You remember Ken. He's the little plastic guy who's been on the longest prom date in history.
Ken, it seems, is now 35 years old, and the toymakers have decided he's overdue for a shave. The new Shavin' Fun Ken comes with a razor and lather. No word yet if they're offering little dabs of blood-spotted Kleenex to cover those nasty nicks and cuts.
I'm out of my league here, Kerry. I have but one child, a boy-person, so I'm wondering if you think this much realism in dolls is a good idea. I thought the idea of dolls was to give kids a vehicle for fantasy.
Kids get slapped with reality too soon in their little lives these days. Parents are now browbeating their 5-year-olds about grades. They overload them with guilt about how they could blow their chance for an Ivy League education if they flunk that little kindergarten quiz on the color wheel.
If Mattel stays on this reality kick, the Shavin' Fun Ken with its little razor kit will be followed by Bulging Beltline Ken, complete with couch, chips, and a tiny TV that plays endless tapes of the college basketball playoffs.
At age 45 we'll get Midlife Crisis Ken, who drops a quick 20 pounds and runs off with Barbie's red Corvette and her surfboard.
Five years after that we'll see Downsizin' Ken, who loses his job at the bank and hangs around the house all day in his bathrobe. Unshaven.
The final edition might be Completely Beaten By Life Ken, who, at age 65, sits alone in a wicker chair on his porch and curses at little kids who take a shortcut across his lawn.
Kerry, this is not what playtime is supposed to be about. Your little boy will be wrestling with a razor soon enough. I hope for your family's sake you're giving him and his sister time to be kids.
KERRY SAYS:
Yes, Dave, I know who Ken is. He's the guy with the peach fuzz head and the perpetual smile who can usually be found behind the wheel of the pink Barbie Jeep with about five naked Barbies in the back seat. You'd be smiling, too.
I agree, though, that things are looking pretty grim for kids these days. I can trace this trend to the time when I was about 5 and the hottest doll that year was one called ``Tiny Tears'' - perhaps one of the first non-smiling dolls around. A few years later ``Betsy Wetsy'' waded into the doll market and, ever since, we've been giving the poor nippers a dose of reality every time they venture into a toy store.
My daughter begged for a ``Baby Sip 'n' Slurp'' this Christmas and now we have a doll with table manners worse than the children. Wonderful.
My son, who is not allowed to play with guns and knives (I have this peculiar belief that encouraging aggressive play turns out guys like Saddam Hussein and O.J. Simpson), begged for a GI Joe. The grandparents came through with a 1990s version of the little plastic warrior, a guy called ``Sergeant Savage'' who has biceps bigger than Barbie's you-know-whats, tattered clothes and a banana clip of ammunition. Guess what game the kids have invented? One where Sergeant Savage and Barbie are married and he's often threatening her with his gun.
It's a little too much like what we find on the news pages for me.
And Dave, I know your little guy is in law school now, so you're protected from the really adult reading material being foisted on kids today to prepare them for life.
A trip through the local library's children's section will have you staring at shelves loaded with books about divorce, death, the infamous ``Debbie Has Two Mothers'' or whatever it is, all designed to assure children that whacked-out parents are just one more wonderful option open to American families today.
I know I'm starting to sound like Marilyn Quayle, but I'm worried that by the time they get done reading this stuff they're going to think we're weirdos just because Mom and Dad are staying together, take them to church on Sunday and are married to members of the opposite sex.
Come to think of it, I suppose kids will survive this assault on their sensibilities. We were raised with the Brothers Grimm, and look how well we turned out.
by CNB