THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, March 29, 1996 TAG: 9603290043
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY LUIS PAREDES, HIGH SCHOOL CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Long : 115 lines
THE STUDENT walks into his new school on the first day of class. His heart is pounding and his palms are sweaty. It seems as if all eyes are on him.
The only things on his mind are: ``Will I fit in?'' ``How will I make friends?'' ``Will they make fun of me?''
Jacob Burleson, 15, a junior at Kempsville High and a member of a military family, has faced this scenario four times. He remembers his earliest elementary school experience:
``It was the first day of school and we all had to go on stage. . . when our name was called,'' said Jacob. ``I missed my name when it was called and when I finally went up there a teacher dragged me off the stage. . . and into my new class. It was really embarrassing.''
Scenes of this type are recurring nightmares for military kids who move from state to state, duty station to duty station and school to school. Students whose parents are in the military might move once every two or three years, if not more. They start at one school in September and can end up in a different one in June.
``You feel like everybody is looking at you, seeing if you are up to their level,'' said Yariel Garcia, 17, a senior at Princess Anne High School in Virginia Beach who has moved several times since starting school. ``You feel strange, you feel lost.''
Moving can stressful, but a move can be made easier.
Most of the students interviewed for this story agreed that leaving friends behind is the worst aspect of moving. Adjusting to a new school is a close second.
``It's really painful leaving your friends behind,'' said Tom Clark, 15, a sophomore at Cox High School who has lived in Minnesota, Pennsylvania, Florida and a couple of places in Virginia.
What makes moving harder is the fact that friendships will have to end, often suddenly and painfully.
Some military kids become prolific letter writers in order to keep in touch with the friends they leave behind. They know that when times get tough in the new place they will have someone to turn to to help them get past their troubles.
Phone calls help alleviate the pain as well. Even though it can be a little expensive, it helps to hear a friend's voice. But calling or writing doesn't guarantee a response.
``My friend Dan from Minnesota is a good example. I wrote him numerous times and he only wrote me back twice and sent me some baseball cards,'' Tom said. ``I called him up a month ago and he's changed. He's into hard-core rap and when he asked me what I liked to do for fun, I told him I liked to surf and stuff and he totally ignored me.''
Yariel said the best thing to do is not to say goodbye to the friends you're leaving behind: ``I've always ended off by saying `I'll see you later in life.' I never say goodbye.''
Yariel has moved seven times and has even lived in Spain. THE LAY OF THE LAND
An overseas move can be especially difficult. Not only does a student have to adjust to a new school and a new environment, but a new culture as well.
``I was totally against moving to Spain,'' Yariel said. ``When I first moved there it was weird. You go to a different type of school and it's strict. They allow you some freedom, but not like any school here.''
``It's a lot different overseas. Not only do you have to pay attention to our rules, but you have to know the foreign laws,'' he added.
It depends on the duty station, but sometimes military dependents have to stay on base.
``To meet new people I usually went to the rec center on base for teens,'' Yariel said.
Culture shock can also come with moves within the United States. ``When I first moved to Virginia I just came from Minnesota and I didn't know any of the styles,'' said Tom. ``Everybody thought I was a big dork.
``But after a while you start adjusting to the styles and it goes right along.''
The pros advise you to try to find out about the new school, the styles and the kind of people who go to it before you get there. Once in the new setting, the best thing to do is be yourself and make as many friends as possible - as soon as possible.
``Start looking for someone to hook up with, to watch your back,'' said Jacob, who has lived in Maryland, Massachusetts and Virginia. ``Don't be shy in school.''
One of the easiest ways to make a new friend is to simply introduce yourself - don't wait to be introduced. Find someone with similar interests.
Interested in art? Find someone who's doodling in class and strike up a conversation about what he or she is doing. The same applies for all hobbies, especially music. Finding at least one friend starts a chain reaction of introductions.
Getting involved in school activities is another great way to meet new people and adjust to a new environment. The more clubs joined the better.
But beware. Tom pointed out that grades tend to suffer when switching from one school to another.
``When I first get there I'm not thinking about my grades or work. I'm more worried about how my friends are and what they're doing,'' he said.
One thing to avoid is living in the past, wishing for what isn't.
When the time does come to move, the best thing one can do is ``leave it behind you. There's nothing you can really do about it, the Navy - the government - has a lot of control,'' explained Tom. ``Leave it behind. . . and start all over again.'' MEMO: Luis Paredes is a senior at Cox High School.
ILLUSTRATION: SAM HUNDLEY/The Virginian-Pilot
Color photos
L. TODD SPENCER
Yariel Garcia, a senior at Princess Anne, has moved seven times in
his 17 years. He says it's best not to say goodbye to friends. He
prefers, ``I'll see you later in life.''
LUIS PAREDES IS A SENIOR AT COX HIGH SCHOOL in VIRGINIA BEACH.
by CNB