THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, April 7, 1996 TAG: 9604030045
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K5 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: HE SAID, SHE SAID
SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY & DAVE ADDIS
LENGTH: Medium: 85 lines
DAVE SAYS:
Every year about this time, my fiancee and I take off for somewhere warm so we can shake out the winter's cobwebs.
We're leaving in a couple of days, and I need a favor from you, Kerry.
Help me kidnap her. I'll lure her out of the house and throw a sack over her head, and you can drive us to the airport.
It's not that Kay is reluctant to go on vacation. She loves it. But kidnapping her is the only way I can think of shedding the 900 pounds of luggage that accompanies her anytime she leaves the house for more than 12 hours.
What is it with women and their possessions, Kerry? Why do y'all need to have everything you own near you at all times?
We're going to a small, laid-back lodge in the Caribbean, a place where a clean T-shirt is considered formal dinner attire and anybody who wears shoes is viewed with suspicion. But I guarantee you Kay will pack at least six pairs of footwear and enough electronic beauty equipment to open a salon.
Last year, I had to haul all her satchels, and mine, from one end of a Florida airport to the other. There were two bags on my back, one hanging from each shoulder and one in each hand. I looked like Hannibal crossing the Alps.
Kay had a typically practical solution to this: For Christmas, she gave me a big, fancy duffel bag with wheels attached. I took it as a sign that she sympathized, but wasn't planning to lighten my load.
A few months ago, she and her daughter had to borrow my Isuzu Rodeo for an overnight stay in Richmond because their combined luggage would not fit in Kay's sedan. Refugees from Eastern Europe arrive in America with less gear than they were packing for a two-day trip to a town just 90 miles down the road.
When I remarked on this - with good humor, or so I thought - they just snarled at me and left skidmarks in my driveway.
So, Kerry, unless you can give me some advice on how I might coerce Kay into traveling a little lighter, you'll have to help me drag her away in the dead of night. If not, I'll be spending my vacation getting fitted for a truss.
KERRY SAYS:
There you go again, Dave, bragging about how you and Kay are headed for the Caribbean while I stay home, surrounded by skinned knees and April showers.
You never miss a chance to remind me that you had your child when you were barely out of your teens instead of waiting until a midlife crisis reminded you that if you didn't reproduce soon it would be too late.
Well, it's not going to work this time.
Sure, I could help you spirit Kay out of the house without her luggage. But that would be a bit disingenuous of me, since I fill my Trooper with snacks, changes of clothing, spare coats, loose shoes and mittens just for the 19-mile commute from my house to work every day.
Despite what you think, this is not a character flaw. This is an extension of the Boy Scout motto: Be prepared.
I found this out the hard way a couple of winters ago when my daughter and I took off on the spur of the moment for a few days at Disney World. She was not quite 4 and I vowed to travel light so I could hang on to her through airports, taxi ranks and airport limos.
As a result, we each had three pairs of shorts, two clean T-shirts and a single toothbrush for our entire trip. Problem was, the temperatures in Orlando that March hovered in the mid-40s. In our first few minutes inside the Magic Kingdom I blew $70 on two sweat shirts. (I am not exaggerating - I still have the cute little receipts with mouse ears.) And the worst part is, a big fleecy shirt with Mickey on the front and Minnie on the back is something you can't wear in public once you leave Disney world.
Making matters worse, it rained our second day and we both strolled the park in blaze orange plastic ponchos with guess who on the front. Another $50 blown because of poor planning.
Believe me, Dave, I learned my lesson. And I suspect Kay had a similar incident in her past.
No matter where I now travel I am sure to bring clothes for at least three seasons, an assortment of compact appliances and a 20-foot extension cord (don't ask).
So, Dave, you and Kay enjoy your little sojourn in the Caribbean. Sorry you have to lug so much stuff down there. If it's really too much for you, how about we switch places for the week?
That's what I thought. Bon voyage. by CNB