THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, April 21, 1996 TAG: 9604210057
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY MATTHEW BOWERS, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 121 lines
Playing miniature golf with a child you genuinely like doesn't seem all that heroic.
Or going to the movies with him. Or playing catch. Or swimming at the beach.
Barry F. Gidley and a 12-year-old boy did all those things back in the early 1970s, when Gidley was the area's first Big Brother. He didn't feel heroic, just helpful. And he was having fun.
Still, Big Brothers Big Sisters of South Hampton Roads would disagree about its volunteers not being heroes.
This Wednesday, the child-mentoring agency is sponsoring a 25th anniversary Heroes Dinner, a reunion of as many of its estimated 24,000 Big Brothers and Sisters and their ``littles'' matched over the years as it can track down. Astronaut Thomas K. ``Ken'' Mattingly will speak at the dinner at the Norfolk Waterside Marriott. He was the member of the Apollo 13 crew who was replaced before the trouble-stricken flight buthelped lead the successful rescue effort from the ground.
The local organization sees heroism in its 140 Big Brothers and Sisters paired and spending time each week with boys and girls from single-parent, generally low-income families. An additional 290 children ages 6 to 15 - 90 percent of them boys - are on the waiting list. The average wait is two to three years - about the same as the length of the average match.
Then there's Gidley and his ``little brother,'' James F. Wiggins. They're still in touch after more than 20 years and 1,700 miles.
Gidley, now 59 and a retired insurance agent, lives in Williamsburg with the woman he married shortly after becoming Wiggins' Big Brother.
Wiggins, 34, lives in New Mexico with his wife and three children and, until a recent back injury, worked for a hardware chain.
When he met Gidley, Wiggins was a chubby 12-year-old with no father in his home. He, his mother and sister lived on welfare.
``I was looking for some kind of escape,'' Wiggins said. ``I was living in the projects. . . . I was having a lot of trouble, a lot of fights. It was rough - I had a rough childhood there.
``Barry came along and showed me something else, showed me a better life.
``I still love him. He's like a brother. It's hard to explain . . .''
Gidley was in his 30s, single and with no obligations, when he decided to try being a Big Brother. He remembered his own happy upbringing in Syracuse, N.Y.
``That's probably what prompted it,'' Gidley said. ``I thought, `Gee, I had a great dad, and these fellas don't have a dad.'
``I benefited from that relationship as much as Jimmy did. . . . I think I learned how to love.
``That's the main thing, really. We had fun together, and that was a benefit.''
Big Brother Gidley, Wiggins said, ``was exactly what I needed at the time.''
One-on-one mentoring relationships with someone who cares and who serves as a positive role model have been successful at reaching troubled children, experts agree.
A November study by a Philadelphia foundation concluded that children in the Big Brothers and Big Sisters program nationwide were 46 percent less likely than other children from similar backgrounds to start abusing drugs; 27 percent less likely to start drinking alcohol; almost a third less likely to hit someone; skipped half as many days of school, skipped fewer classes and showed ``modest'' gains in their grades; trusted their parents more; and got along better with their peers.
``The program has significant impact, and now we have the proof, which is unusual,'' said Peter S. Viele, executive director of the local Big Brothers Big Sisters.
The impact isn't always immediate, of course. Gidley remembers three or four virtually silent get-togethers with the distrustful Wiggins before they broke the ice and talked much.
Then it was round after round of miniature golf. Wiggins having to poke Gidley awake the first two times they saw the movie ``Robin Hood,'' and Gidley finally making it all the way through the third time. Long, aimless car rides and long talks about Wiggins having to take more responsibility in his home, to help his mother and sister.
``Moms are moms, but moms aren't fathers,'' Gidley said about his role. ``Moms aren't dads. You don't usually go play ball with Mom.''
After about three years, Wiggins' mother remarried. About a year later, his family moved west. He married right out of high school and returned briefly to Virginia, where he again got in touch with Gidley.
But Wiggins was drinking heavily at the time, he said. Gidley helped buy the young couple a mobile home, but Wiggins and his wife soon returned to New Mexico.
Gidley had been delighted to help, and he was even more delighted to finally hear back from Wiggins a few years ago. The former ``little brother'' had felt bad about cutting off this man who meant so much to him, this man he loved as a brother. He had stopped drinking. Gidley assured him there was no problem between them.
Since then, they've phoned each other every couple of months. And Wiggins is thinking about becoming a Big Brother himself in a few years, when his own children are older.
``The main reason why I think about it is because of how much it helped me,'' Wiggins said. ``I feel like I kinda, like, owe something, I oughta do something.
``I've got this thing about kids, anyway.'' MEMO: For more information about the 25th-anniversary reunion, call Big
Brothers Big Sisters of South Hampton Roads at 490-5437.
ILLUSTRATION: 25th ANNIVERSARY: BIG BROTHERS AND SISTERS
Barry F. Gidley reads to his "little brother" James F. Wiggins in
the early '70s.
BENEFITS
A November study by a Philadelphia foundation concluded that
children in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program nationwide were:
46 percent less likely than other children from similar
backgrounds to abuse drugs.
27 percent less likely to start drinking alcohol
Skipped half as many days of school, skipped fewer classes and
showed ``modest'' gains in their grades
Trusted their parents more and got along better with their
peers.
KEYWORDS: PROFILE by CNB