THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, May 3, 1996 TAG: 9605030044
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY SHARON GREENE, HIGH SCHOOL CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Medium: 80 lines
PARENTS.
Just the word invokes images of World War III. From hairstyles to housework, curfews to classes, there is always disagreement between parents and their offspring.
At this time of year, many high school seniors are facing up to their parents and discovering the dissension that lies in making one of the most important decisions of their lives: the final college choice.
Contrary to some beliefs, there are ways to avoid bloodshed when deciding on where to go. Karen E. Torgersen, executive director of freshman admission at Virginia Tech, offered some suggestions.
``Talk to your parents and have discussions early,'' she suggested. ``Talking in the beginning of your junior year is not too soon and it will help ease the tension.''
Robert Chonko, director of admissions at Longwood College, agrees. ``Students and parents should sit down together early and lay out the parameters such as finances and distances,'' he said.
Got that? Talking is the first important step in communicating with the creators regarding college. Money matters, distance dilemmas and your probable academic major - these are some of the most important factors you need to consider when making ``the decision.''
``Talk to your parents about the options, make sure there are no false expectations,'' said Torgersen.
Kim Welch, 20, a 1994 graduate of Princess Anne High School, experienced some major problems concerning her college choice. Grandparents, parents and misinformation in this case, were the source of the struggle. Unfortunately, her family had preconceived notions regarding Kim's choice. They were convinced that because Longwood College was not an Ivy League school, it was not good enough for Kim. They did not believe a small, formerly all-woman's college would be as enriching environmentally.
Fortunately, by listening carefully to what her parents were saying, Kim was able to find ways to inform them otherwise. In the end, she gained their blessing.
``I gave them what they needed - as much information as possible,'' said Kim. ``I fought their objections and made sure I had backup for my arguments.'' Currently, Kim is having the time of her life as a sophomore at Longwood.
Old Dominion University freshman Kathy Lawrence chose another route. Although her No. 1 choice was not ODU, her parents' financial support would not be guaranteed at a college farther away that they felt was not as good.
``It's important to have your parents' support and to keep up open lines of communication when deciding where to go,'' said Kathy, 18, a 1995 graduate of Princess Anne High. Her parents were able to convince Kathy to go to ODU.
``Sometime you are going to need your parents' love and guidance in life, so it's important to not break ties,'' Kathy said.
Another important parent-student experience is visiting the campuses of your final choices. This is the time to check out dorms, possible professors and take a good look at your possible home for the next four years. By the time families are at this stage, Chonko and Torgersen don't see much conflict.
``Things are civil about 90 percent of the time. . . the general guidelines have already been set up,'' Chonko said.
Decisions regarding classes and majors are another problem some families may encounter. Chonko warns parents not to force kids into anything.
``The average undergraduate major will change three times while exploring,'' said Chonko. Students should try to see what they are strong in and parents should be flexible.
``Don't worry so much about future careers,'' he said. ``In the long run, it is the student's decision.''
If tensions arise on the home front the next time an acceptance letter comes into your mailbox, don't despair. Talking with the folks will smooth out most of the bumps. Should speed bumps appear, however, take the advice of some experts: to thine own self be true.
``It is your college career, not your parents','' says Kim. MEMO: Sharon Greene is a senior at Princess Anne High School who is trying to
decide between Virginia Tech, Marymount Manhattan College and James
Madison University.
by CNB