THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, May 8, 1996 TAG: 9605070352
SECTION: MILITARY NEWS PAGE: A12 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: My Turn
SOURCE: SUSAN BOLAND
LENGTH: Medium: 67 lines
Support. I had thought this was an adjective to which Playtex's ``living bra'' had exclusive rights - until I was a Navy family member with a deployed active duty member. . . in other words, my husband was at sea.
We have all learned, or are learning, that support is that which keeps the military family from sinking. But where do we find it?
The list of the most likely places is pretty substantial. You can go to your very own support group - nearly every command has one. You can also go to your command's ombudsman.
Next, you might try Navy Family Services, which is staffed by professionals trained and dedicated to help you help yourself.
You may also want to call on shipmates' spouses, or previous shipmates' spouses - those dear friends we all make along the way.
Or you can talk to someone who has been through exactly what you are going through, knows exactly how hard it is, and knows exactly what will help: a member of the retired military community in Hampton Roads.
A while back my two boys and I were facing a rather long haul without our active duty member. It was one of those long separations that came as a surprise, and on this particular Sunday, he had already been gone about a week. The reality was just sinking in. We were at church, where we are fortunate to have many members who are retired military.
Now, oldest sons have a hard time when Dad is gone. No matter how many times you tell them that Mom will take care of them and they are not to worry about stuff, they worry. And they try to take care of you.
You tell them to cut it out. But they can't. Like it or not, Mom, in his mind, he is the man of the house.
My teenage son was trying to deal with this awesome responsibility. He looked worried that morning in church. Nothing I had said seemed to relieve him. Then, one of my retired friends, thinking I was engaged in another conversation, took him aside after the service.
Chris told my son that if he ever needed some help, you know, Mom wasn't managing too well and you just need an extra hand, for whatever, a ride somewhere, a ride home from somewhere (wink, wink), then call him.
Then Chris, retired Navy-turned-real estate agent, gave my son his business card and explained that his beeper was always on his belt. ``All you gotta do is call me.'' Chris then put his arm around my son's shoulders while the man of the house tucked the card into his wallet.
As my son returned to my side, he walked a little taller. I breathed a little easier. And the days began to get a little better.
There are some people who willingly agree to give you a back rub, but you have to give them directions all the time. A little higher, a little to the left, right there, no, down there! Then there are those other wonderful people who just instinctively know where to rub. You just lie there in silence because you realize you are in the hands of a master.
Retired military people are just such masters - of support.
Where can you find them? They wait in line with you at the commissary. They sit next to you at church. They take night classes with you. They live on your block. They volunteer at your children's schools and at the library.
They are everywhere in Hampton Roads.
So don't be afraid to approach one of them for some support. I promise you - they will lift you higher than anything Playtex has on the market. MEMO: Susan Boland, a free-lance writer and a lecturer at Old Dominion
University, is a Navy wife of 20 years. by CNB