THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, May 12, 1996 TAG: 9605110131
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 24 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Cover Story
SOURCE: BY PAM STARR, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 169 lines
SILVIA MAHACHEK used to wear pantyhose and business suits to work every day as the personnel recruiter for a financial company.
The professional rewards were sweet: big salary, good benefits, opportunities to advance, interaction with colleagues and personal satisfaction.
But that changed last September, when Mahachek gave up her career to become a full-time mother. Days are slower-paced now but no less hectic as Mahachek switched gears to care for 7-month-old Christina, a happy baby who keeps mommy in constant motion.
Mahachek, 32, could not be more satisfied.
``I went from the corporate world and power lunches to formula and diapers,'' Mahachek said with a hearty laugh. ``I didn't know it would be so difficult. But as soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted to stay home. I didn't want someone else raising my baby.''
It used to be that staying at home to care for children was the desired, and expected, thing for a mom to do. Not anymore. With about 70 percent of mothers in the workforce, those who decide to become full-time moms are in a pronounced minority.
But what has helped moms like Mahachek is a new organization dedicated to making moms feel OK about their decision to stay at home. The MOMS Club of Virginia Beach celebrates traditional motherhood and offers members much-needed support, friendship and activities.
MOMS Club, which stands for Moms Offering Moms Support, is a nationwide nonprofit organization with 260 chapters and more than 12,000 members. Local chapters serve as lifelines to women who often feel isolated and unappreciated in their mothering roles. The club doesn't discriminate as to motherhood status - women who work part time or who work from home also are welcome.
Club president Lori Darragh sees a huge need in this area for the MOMS Club because so many military fathers are out to sea. She started the chapter last November after coming up empty in the activity department for her two boys, ages 4 and 2 1/2. Darragh and husband Paul had relocated from Philadelphia last summer.
``Story times were the only things offered,'' said Darragh, who works part time as a nurse. ``And it's so important to socialize for stay-at-home moms.''
She's right. Trying to find another stay-at-home mom can be a daunting - and depressing - task. And forget about finding playmates for your kids.
Frustrated, Darragh sent away for information on how to start a local MOMS Club. She printed a flier and placed a newspaper ad to gauge interest. Since November, 37 women have joined the club but Darragh hopes for more.
``Ideally you want between 30 and 60 members,'' Darragh said. ``We get anywhere from four to 10 people to come to an event. With more people we can offer more events.''
The MOMS Club operates as a community within a community. It is governed by an executive board and $20 annual membership dues pay for room rentals, speakers, supplies, the monthly newsletter, mailings and programs. It has a baby-sitting co-op, play groups for children, an exercise club, a book club and a Moms on the Mend program, where members fix meals and help with child care for moms recovering from child birth or surgery.
Each month is packed with activities, including outings to parks, farms, the zoo, museums and local attractions for members and their children. Moms also can go out together for a movie night (no kids) once each month. Moms attend a monthly general membership meeting and also work on community service projects. Members are in the process of collecting new and used items for the Baby Boutique, a consignment shop that assists pregnant women in crisis.
Amy Williams says the MOMS Club saved her from boredom and loneliness. A former K-2 teacher, Williams moved to Virginia Beach in December and ``didn't know a soul.''
``I was calling my husband twice a day until he finally said I needed to find other people to talk to,'' said Williams, squinting against the sun as she pushed her 9-month-old girl in a baby swing. She also has a 7-year-old. ``This club has been great.''
During a recent outing at Avalon Hills Baptist Church, B.J. McCarron was making the rounds.
The 18-month-old with wavy blond hair and inquisitive sky blue eyes served as the unofficial greeter of the MOMS Club. While the 20 or so women sat in a circle for the general meeting, B.J. was sauntering over to say hello to other toddlers or to pat babies on the head. He's a real sociable fellow.
Mom Marie McCarron giggled and shook her head.
``I joined the club because he didn't have anyone to play with,'' said McCarron, holding 3-week-old Cassie in her arms. ``He needs other children - he was getting bored with me at home. We both needed the interaction. This has been a blessing.''
McCarron's story is a bit different from the other mothers in the club. She worked as a nanny for 11 years, then in retail management for two years before having B.J. After moving from Richmond with her husband last summer, McCarron decided to stay home. New to the area with no family around, McCarron was scared to leave her baby with anyone.
``There are times when I miss my job but I think I would miss him more if I worked,'' she said. ``I can get out of the house and talk to other adults and he learns to share. That's important.''
Staying at home often means financial sacrifice, or at least a reduction of material goods. Club vice president Margaret Pickard said that she and husband Michael drive older, used cars as part of their commitment to full-time mothering. She stopped working as a secretary when Claire was born 4 years ago.
``We agreed to do whatever it takes to have our children with a parent full time,'' Pickard said, keeping a watchful eye on her robust 22-month-old, Joseph. ``I'm so grateful I didn't miss anything. For me, I needed to be with them full time.''
Joining the MOMS Club helped Karen Jackson, 28, with some questions about mothering and baby care. She gave birth to Joseph in September - one day later than Christina Mahachek - and expects to be back at work as a music teacher this September. Jackson and Mahachek, in fact, just met at a recent meeting and formed a fast bond.
``This is my first baby. I needed some support,'' said Jackson, holding chubby, cherubic Joseph. ``This helped me learn from other mothers what they're doing.
``I have to go back to work,'' she added, ruefully. ``But my husband is in the Virginia Symphony and will take care of him during the day.''
Mahachek admitted that there is some attraction to returning to work, at least at first.
``In the beginning I really regretted not working. Nobody says `good job, here's a reward,' '' explained Mahachek, whose husband Joe is active duty military. ``But children are forced to grow up faster today. Having a full-time mommy means a lot - it gives them a better chance.''
As Mahachek was talking, Christina stopped chewing to smile and coo angelically at her mother. Tiny beams of light reflected off the tiny gold crosses in her earlobes as her liquid brown eyes danced with delight at mommy's presence. Tears welled up in Mahachek's coffee-colored eyes.
``That's when I learn this is the reward,'' she said. ``To her, I'm the best - I'm the one. That's what makes it all worthwhile.'' ILLUSTRATION: Staff photos by CHARLIE MEADS
MOMS Club member Silvia Mahachek, also pictured on the cover,
tickles her 7-month-old daughter, Christina, during a meeting at
Avalon Hills Baptist Church.
Club president Lori Darragh sees a huge need in this area for the
MOMS Club because so many military fathers are out to sea.
Margaret Pickard, holding Claire and Joseph; Donna Daniel, holding
Jordan; and Mary Carroll gather for social time.
Tricia Dugan and her 1-year-old son, Shane, never tire at
Bishopsgate Park.
Jan Teegarden holds 2-year-old Austin Sutton as she swings her
daughter, 3-year-old Julie, at Bishopsgate Park. Teegarden is the
club treasurer. The $20 annual membership dues pay for room rentals,
speakers, supplies, the monthly newsletter, mailings and programs.
Graphic
[Box]
Club Principles
That women must be free to choose their personal path to
fulfillment.
That, for women who choose it, raising children is an important
and fulfilling full-time job.
That a family's decision for a mom to stay home to raise the
children often involves considerable financial sacrifice.
That there is no one right way to raise children, but that a
major reason for the members to come together is their desire to
seek out mothers with a common concern for raising their children in
the best possible and most healthy way.
That children are a community's greatest resource, and that a
community's concern for its children is marked by the quality of its
schools.
For more information
Call Lori Darragh at 479-4119 at 479-4119, Cheryl Smith at
431-0396 or Jan Teegarden at 495-7649.
by CNB