THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, June 2, 1996 TAG: 9605290057
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K3 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: REAL MOMENTS
SOURCE: BY JASPER SHORT
LENGTH: 68 lines
FAR TOO OFTEN in my life I'd heard the phrase ``unconditional love.'' And when I'd hear those six melodic syllables I'd conjure up feelings of the ultimate kind of love.
The kind of love Romeo and Juliet had. The kind of undying love you hear about in songs.
But for me, this thing called unconditional love was a myth. I had never experienced it.
All of my single adult life I wandered around seeking that special person that could grant me this mesmerizing bond. I had experienced a few relationships where my love was genuine, but it never achieved the level of unconditional. With the passing of each relationship I began to question the authenticity of it all.
Talking with friends of both sexes didn't seem to provide a clue. All, whether in relationships or not, reluctantly admitted that they too had not found this level of love, and like me, doubted it existed.
As I approached my wits' end, I was blessed with the good fortune of meeting the woman who would become my wife. Surely, I felt, my search for unconditional love was over. But although my search for my lifetime partner was over, I found that my search for unconditional love was not. That's because my love for her isn't unconditional and never will be. That's not to question the depth of my love nor to argue if she actually is the woman for me. Because that's true without a shadow of doubt.
It was right after the arrival of our baby girl in a small birthing room at the hospital that I realized that unconditional love cannot exist in a healthy relationship between lovers. Until that exact moment, I'd never really sat down and thought what it meant to love someone unconditionally.
Just the phrase itself stipulates a kind of love that never wavers, a love that has no boundaries, a love that accepts what one has to offer and asks no questions. How could I, or anyone for that matter, ever love someone romantically or expect to be loved by someone romantically, in an unconditional fashion? I realized then that the answer was plain and simple - it couldn't be done.
But that didn't mean I couldn't love anyone unconditionally. As I looked into the eyes of our tiny bundle of joy, it dawned on me that this was what unconditional love was all about. Until then, I had never looked into anyone's eyes and known that I would give my life for that person.
But for my new little joy, I'd jump in front of a speeding car,, make gurgling sounds in front of a room full of strangers, and even get throw-up all over my new camel-hair sport coat.
What else could you call that but unconditional love?
I realize that my feeling may change as she becomes older, but for now, there's nothing that this little angel can do to test my love for her, or cause it to waver. That doesn't mean that my love for her is stronger than that for my wife. It simply means that at this point in her life, my love for her is without conditions.
Although my wife loves me deeply, she does have the ability to disappoint me, as I do her. Our love for each other comes with conditions.
But when it comes to our daughter, even at 3 in the morning when she needs to be changed, I love her. Unconditionally.
The same holds true at 7 in the morning when she smiles after spitting all over my crisp white dress shirt.
All of my adult life I'd been looking for that special lady to give me that mesmerizing bond, that ultimate high that would be the final piece to my puzzle.
I finally found it. Just when I thought it didn't exist.
Yes, I know that good things still come in big packages. But if you're looking for unconditional love, check the little packages. MEMO: Jasper Short lives in Portsmouth with the loves of his life _ his
wife, Carla, and 8-month-old daughter, Jada. by CNB