THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, June 9, 1996 TAG: 9606090035
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: ELIZABETH SIMPSON
LENGTH: 64 lines
Esmeralda on backpacks.
Quasimodo on lunch buckets.
Gargoyles on T-shirts.
The sight of a disfigured bellringer on every toy aisle in America can mean only one thing: It's time for another mega Disney release.
Sure enough, ``The Hunchback of Notre Dame'' is coming to a theater near you June 21.
If you have a kid, get out your billfold.
Oh, sure, you can afford a few bucks for a movie ticket, but what about the Hunchback craze that's sure to follow?
The Esmeralda sheets, the clothing, the tennis shoes, the stuffed gargoyles, the trinkets at fast-food joints, the first-edition, for-a-limited-time-only, isn't-he-adorable Quasimodo dolls that are sure to drive children's consumption for the next year.
Where will it all end?
Ever wonder whether introducing your child to Disney is worse than getting them hooked on a bad habit?
Those campaigns to get families to turn off TV for a week would be a breeze at our house - but a week without Disney would bring us to our knees.
First, there'd be no underwear.
Make that kids' underwear, which runs toward Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Cinderella at our house.
Second, the wardrobes would be thin, what with no Pocahontas T-shirts, pajamas or tennis shoes.
Third, no birthday celebrations, as we'd have no Pocahontas party plates, no Little Mermaid to grace the cake, no pin-the-glass-slipper-on-the-Cinderella-foot game. And we couldn't run over to McDonald's either, since they just signed a 10-year deal to peddle Disney toys with their kid burgers.
Look for Quasimodo in your next Happy Meal.
As far as my husband and I go, we'd have to turn off ``Grace Under Fire'' and ``Roseanne,'' since Disney owns ABC. We couldn't go to Kansas City or Fort Worth since Disney owns the newspapers. We couldn't go to a professional hockey game in Anaheim. The Mighty Ducks hockey players are also on the Mouse roster.
Any family vacation would have to steer clear of both Anaheim and Orlando, where Uncle Walt claims ownership once you land. You eat Disney food, ride Disney buses, board Disney amusement rides, talk on Disney telephones until you collapse in a Disney bed at a Disney hotel at the end of your Disney day.
Don't forget to tip the Disney doorman on your way out.
Gee, Disney used to be so innocent, back in the days of Dumbo and Bambi. It was all magical and sweet and enchanting. Walt Disney was like a benevolent uncle.
Now I'm wondering if Uncle Walt was merely planting seeds of consumption in baby boomers' minds. Did he know that instead of going to a land of enchantment, we'd be dragged to The Disney Store, where our money would magically disappear?
That when we donned those Mouseketeer ears, we'd be fueling mergers and corporate raiding and multimillion-dollar deals? And what's this I hear about Disney using Haitian sweatshops to make their cute little Lion King shirts?
If the story of Walt Disney were a real Disney show, the movie monger, or mongers at this point, would see the error of their ways. A long-haired, sexy woman would be on hand to help them, in the subservient way their animated women usually do. And in the end, they'd give all the profits to all the poor children in the world.
I'm waiting . . . by CNB