THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, July 12, 1996 TAG: 9607120679
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A9 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DIANE TENNANT AND ESTHER DISKIN, STAFF WRITERS
LENGTH: 133 lines
When fear of Hurricane Bertha closed the pool at Oceana on Thursday, halfway through her daughter's swimming lesson, Janet Mendez told stories to lighten the anxiety.
About sneaking her horse into the living room to ride out a Jamaican hurricane, about the horse breaking through the living floor and, um, leaving more than its tracks on the carpet.
Laughter, Mendez said, helps her small children cope with preparations for a storm they can't see, can't hear, but still may fear.
``There's no point in getting them hyped up over something that may or may not come to pass,'' said Mendez, of Virginia Beach. ``When it comes I will tell them we're all going to hang onto each other and we're all going to be fine.''
Together, the Mendez family has picked up five flashlights, lots of batteries, canned goods, a watermelon and Mendez' mother. Together, say social workers, is the best way to cope.
``If the child's old enough to participate in gathering the candles or getting the flashlights, that would be great,'' said Gayle Ricks, vice president of operations at Family Services of Tidewater. ``Parents should be calm and not alarm the children. But let them know something's going to happen.''
While parents or neighbors are tying down lawn furniture or boarding up windows, children should be told why it is happening, Ricks said.
``Try to be open and honest about what you're doing. Talk about the wind, talk about the rain, about how it moves,'' she said. ``Because the wind is going to be so strong, I think parents should talk about what damage might occur.
``And I think parents should talk about how nothing may happen. The issue is, we want to be prepared, just as you (children) prepare for school the night before.''
It may also be helpful to turn children's attention away from themselves with an emphasis on helping neighbors, Ricks said. It might be that this storm leaves one house undamaged but does damage one nearby. ``Develop a neighborhood attitude,'' she said, ``about helping people.''
Kids are usually curious about shifts in the weather, and calmly exploring their questions can help them avoid fear, said Brenda Morris, an instructor with the Southside Boys and Girls Club in the Berkley section of Norfolk.
``It's the tone of voice,'' she said. ``If you don't put fear into them initially. . . . I don't say, `Oh! We're going to have a big storm!' I say, `What do you notice about the weather?' ''
In past years, she's read the kids a book about typhoons to help them understand the need to be prepared and explained the weird vocabulary that kids may hear adults using, like ``evacuate.''
And simple distractions - like a playground - can make kids forget about a storm entirely. On Thursday, Morris was keeping track of a dozen 5- and 6-year-olds at Mount Trashmore. ``No one has asked about the storm today, yet,'' Morris said. ``We'll talk about it tomorrow.'' ILLUSTRATION: Photo
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Bill Ulmer boards up his Wrightsville Beach, N.C., home Thursday
afternoon as Hurricane Bertha loomed offshore.
Graphic
INCLUDING KIDS HELPS THEM DEAL WITH FEARS
The prospect of a major storm means stress and anxiety for
Hampton Roads. Children, who lack perspective on natural disasters,
may be especially fearful.
Before, during and after a storm, you can minimize anxiety - both
yours and your family's - by talking and taking deliberate action.
Here are some tips.
If you have time before a storm strikes:
Take action to protect yourself, your family and your property.
Help neighbors if you can. Doing so provides a sense of control that
can dispel anxiety.
Gather as many support systems around your family as possible.
Talk with neighbors, relatives, church or synagogue members. If
circumstances allow, work together. Help others who need it.
Remember that the overwhelming odds are that you'll make it
through the storm alive and without serious injury.
If you have children, talk to them honestly about what is
happening. Answer their immediate questions: Where will their toys
be? Where will they be? Where is the bathroom? Will they have to
leave the house?
Before moving to a shelter, if possible, try to soothe children's
fears by driving by and visiting it before moving in. ``Children can
accept things better if they're not surprised,'' said Fort
Lauderdale psychologist Marilyn Segal, who counseled families after
Hurricane Andrew.
Let children help gather supplies, test flashlights and fill
bathtubs. This will help to create a sense of family togetherness.
Give children messages that things are going to be all right.
Tell them all the things you are doing to make sure they are safe.
Don't ignore children's questions.
During the storm:
Stay safe, whether it's at home or in a shelter.
Remind children that they are safe. Never leave them alone.
Keep active. If you have children, sing songs, play simple games,
color, tell stories. Try to keep them occupied, but understand that
they may be bored and temperamental at being trapped inside with no
television or lights.
Try to maintain normalcy, even in the shelter. Set regular
bedtimes, mealtimes and play times. Try to carve out a spot where
children can play and have some privacy, even if it's on a cot.
After the storm:
Be patient.
Determine what's really important, keeping in mind that a
spouse's view on what should be considered top priority might not
match your view.
Don't expect things to instantly restore themselves. Accept that
restoration (both physical and emotional) takes time.
Realize that disaster victims have suffered losses, and it's
natural for them to express disbelief, anger, sadness, anxiety and
depression.
Realize that the emotions of victims will be on a roller coaster,
and moods can change unexpectedly.
Maintain a diet that's as nourishing as possible.
Focus on the big picture, instead of little problems.
Talk with friends, family, counselors or clergy members. A
supportive network is crucial.
If you have children, talk with them about what you did during
the storm that worked, and what you would do differently next time.
Let children know it's OK to still be scared. Have them draw
pictures expressing their feelings, or let them act it out during
play.
Reassure them that they're fortunate; nothing bad happened.
The next time it rains, they may fear another storm is coming.
Reassure them that there is always plenty of warning with a
hurricane and that they rarely hit Hampton Roads.
Sources: psychologist Marilyn Segal, Nova University;
psychologist John Freedy, Medical University of South Carolina;
Virginia Cooperative Extension Service.
KEYWORDS: HURRICANE BERTHA PREPARATIONS by CNB