THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, July 21, 1996 TAG: 9607190596
SECTION: COMMENTARY PAGE: J1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Discussion '96
LENGTH: 116 lines
July 14, 1996
Sunday
Dear Editor:
I have just read your article in the Commentary, ``Kids In Trouble,'' and I felt the need to voice my opinion.
I have been a single parent for 12 years. I have two sons, ages 11 and 19. My ex-husband pays a small amount of child support every week. It in no way provides half of the cost of raising two children. The responsibility to provide health insurance for my children falls on me alone. I was on public assistance for approximately 7 years, which I hated; but I was unable to obtain employment that would pay enough to cover the cost of child care, health insurance, transportation, groceries, shelter, utilities, clothing, necessities of life (toilet paper, shampoo, hair cuts, medicines, etc.) and emergencies.
It would be very difficult to take time off from work when the children are sick. You would be fired. Yet, you dared not leave them home alone because: 1) you need to be with your children when they are sick, and 2) it is against the law to leave any child under the age of 12 home alone.
In your article you had several different questions and three different views. In each response I felt the response was extreme.
``What should be done about the rising juvenile crime rate?''
Juveniles should definitely be held responsible for their crime. However, I think the responsibility for our children starts at home. We have to set clear rules and stick by them. We, as parents, need to be given back the authority to raise our children and discipline them as we see fit. Yes, I am talking about spanking them or restrictions. It has gotten to the point that if you spank your child, they can have you thrown in jail.
So, society has a nation of children that can do just about anything they want and get away with it because if we try to discipline them we face punishment. How can parents teach children right from wrong, good behavior from bad behavior, what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable when we are stripped of our parental rights?
``What are some of the steps that should be taken?''
First, give parents back their rights to raise their children.
Second, we don't need expanded school programs that help children distinguish right from wrong. We need teachers that are committed to teaching the best that they can. We need teachers that really do care about the quality of education they are teaching. And we need teachers that do NOT use profanity in classrooms (Yes, we do have teachers that do this! We also have guidance counselors that do this. Please don't take me wrong, not all teachers do this. But there are a few that do. I have witnessed this myself). Teachers need to be given the authority to teach the children that want to learn and not to be baby sitters to the children that want to misbehave.
``Substantially reduce poverty with public assistance?''
Is this a joke or what? Public assistance is a trap. A single parent is better off on public assistance than getting a job. A family on public assistance can get: AFDC, food stamps, Medicaid, and help paying rent, utilities, transportation, schooling and a baby sitter. You can stay home with your children and rake in all of these benefits.
Single parents DO NOT need better public assistance. We need better paying jobs. Jobs with benefits. Raise the minimum wage to what it actually costs to survive in this world. Make it better to be working and taking care of our children rather than making it better to be on public assistance. Or we will end up with a nation of under-educated children growing up to be under-paid adults with no future of ever getting ahead in their lives.
I am not talking about vacations and the best of the best. I am talking about providing a decent home, decent food, decent clothing, health insurance and being able to save for emergencies.
All I can say is it isn't easy raising children on low pay and with an absent father. In the past I felt that it was OK if my children's father didn't want anything to do with them. It is certainly his loss and it will always be. I could raise them myself. However, reality has a way of hitting home. I have raised my children with the help of their grandparents. You see, we live with them. If it weren't for them then who knows where we would be in this world.
My oldest son has graduated from high school and is now working. He is making $6 an hour. In reality, the way wages are now, he will have a very difficult time making a decent life for himself. In his senior year he did get into trouble with the law. I never had trouble with him before this and to date he hasn't been in any more trouble with the law. He was given a break and he is trying to better himself. My youngest son is in the 7th grade and he has been an honor student since the first grade. So far he has made honor grades every nine weeks, every year. He resents the label society has placed on him for living in a single parent home. He also is angry for not having a father, someone to spend time with and teach him ``guy'' things.
I pray that the label society has placed on my children and the anger they feel at not having a father figure in their life will not discourage them from bettering themselves so that maybe they will succeed in life and do better than both myself and their father.
I have been off public assistance for several years now. I go to work every day and I feel better about myself. I am getting paid $6 an hour, which isn't nearly enough to provide for my family, but I am trying. I have more respect for myself now and my children are learning that if you want anything in life, you have to work for it and you have to have respect for yourself. Just because someone labels you with a name doesn't mean you have to live down to that name. Rise above negativity. Stand up for what you believe in and, most of all, whatever choices you make having a family in the future - stay with your family.
Every choice, every decision, and everything we do as adults does affect the children no matter what we as society or single parents think.
Theresa M. Hoggard
Chesapeake ILLUSTRATION: Color photo by Candice C. Cusic
Theresa M. Hoggard feels parents should take more responsibility and
should be gven more freedom to discipline their children. The
Chesapeake woman, who has raised two sons by herself, sits in their
Indian river home with Buck, 19, and framed picture of her other
son, Justin, 11, who's way visiting his grandparents.<
KEYWORDS: JUVENILE CRIME FEEDBACK LETTER by CNB