THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, July 28, 1996 TAG: 9607240049
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Real Moments
SOURCE: BY WENDY GROSSMAN, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: 58 lines
WADS OF KLEENEX. Balloons filled with Jell-O pudding. Nerf Balls.
All have been stuffed into women's bras to add a little extra where mother nature didn't.
But Kleenex flattens into funky shapes. Jell-O oozes out and starts to smell bad. And Nerf Balls? Dear, your body is a temple, not an amusement park.
Today, women can plunk down $160 and get Curves. They cost a little more, but make a huge difference. Curves have been sold to more than 150,000 women worldwide.
Just about every women's magazine at the check-out counter has an ad for Curves proclaiming ``Breast Boosts Without the Surgery!'' (We've all seen girls crying their eyes out on Oprah because the silicone breasts implants that made them so happy three months ago, oops, burst and got into their bloodstreams.)
Curves are little silicone things that look like shoulder pads. They come in three different sizes - Small, Large and X-tra Large (Why isn't there a medium? Are medium breasts a bad thing to have?) ``Worn outside the body, they're waterproof and fit easily inside any bra or swimsuit,'' the ad says.
Well, that's great. Soggy Kleenex just doesn't hold up well at the beach. I guess Curves will soon replace bikinis stuffed with foam shoulder pads. I don't really see how those work, anyhow. Let's say you were jumping around in the waves. The pads suck up the water. Would the water trickle down your tummy for the rest of the afternoon?
``Curves . . . look, feel, weigh and even bounce like real breasts. So natural they're undetectable. So comfortable you forget you're wearing them!''
Yeah, so what happens in the heat of a passionate moment and you ``forget'' you're wearing them? What are you supposed to say?
In addition to their natural look, there's the ``added'' perk that there's ``no adhesives necessary.'' Women have been taping their breasts together, creating cleavage, for decades. David O. Selznick, producer of ``Gone With the Wind,'' insisted that Vivien Leigh create the illusion of a full, round bosom for Scarlett with masking tape. Ah, if only she'd have had Curves.
Curves ``warm to your body temperature'' so that they're stuck fast onto you. No tape. But, exactly how do you get them off?
Curves may add a lot of suppleness, and an extra cup size or two, but they encourage women to hate their bodies.
My friend Darren disagrees. He says that women shouldn't be ashamed of wearing Curves. They're not lying. They're just making an attempt to beautify his world. ``Like planting flowers,'' he says.
The ad in the magazine shows a sultry woman lounging in a beige satin bra. Next to it is a picture of her wearing the exact same bra without Curves. She looks bad.
The bra isn't her size. Of course it looks awful.
This poor girl should invest in bras that fit instead of plunking down $160 to get Curves delivered to her home.
I think Victoria's Secret is having a sale. Get her to the mall. by CNB