THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Thursday, August 8, 1996 TAG: 9608080426
SECTION: BUSINESS PAGE: D1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY LON WAGNER, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: 52 lines
If your eyes glaze over when company executives talk about ``core operating initiatives,'' or if you can't distinguish a ``shifting paradigm'' from an ``out-of-the-box proposition,'' help has arrived.
Tony Mattera, a corporate communications officer ( P.R. guy) at Crestar Bank in Richmond, has developed something called the Jargon Master Matrix.
The matrix creates phrases that will ``make you sound like a knowledgeable observer of a dynamic industry.'' It consists of three columns of 14 words each. To create some corporate jargon, pick three numbers from one to 14, find the corresponding words in each columnand string them together.
For instance, a 12-5-2 results in ``executive planning alternatives.'' An 11-13-1 string turns up ``value-based discretionary objectives.''
Mattera says the matrix struck a nerve with workers because management consultants and other regular jargon users have unduly complicated simple concepts.
``People just love it,'' he says of the matrix. ``I think it's a relief for them. You know, you get so wrapped up in this stuff, it's nice to stand back sometimes and laugh.''
Since the matrix appeared last week in The Wall Street Journal, Mattera has been contacted by several radio and television stations for interviews. He says the matrix must have tapped the same vein of frustration as Scott Adams' Dilbert comic strip. Both spoof the working world.
Mattera drew up the matrix in June after hearing a jargon-heavy speech. He's not the first to compose such a chart, he says, and has received several others in the mail since the article appeared in the Journal.
Mattera is working on a follow-up to the matrix, which he is hoping to sell. In his spare time, he also writes song parodies. He's penned a song called ``PC Solitare'' to the tune of Jimmy Buffett's ``Margaritaville'' and a song named ``Severance Pay'' to the tune of the Beatles' ``Yesterday.''
In the meantime, he's relieved that the higher-ups at his company took the matrix in good humor.
``Everyone's amused . . . thank God,'' he says.
In fact, you could say Mattera's been getting some 3-2-12. For the jargon-impaired, that's ``special support feedback.'' ILLUSTRATION: Color AP photo
Tony Mattera, an employee at Crestar Bank in Richmond, developed the
Jargon Master Matrix
< Graphic
[Jargon Master Mix]
[List of words]
For copy of complete list, see microfilm
KEYWORDS: JARGON by CNB