The Virginian-Pilot
                             THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT 
              Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: Friday, August 16, 1996               TAG: 9608160571
SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B7   EDITION: FINAL 
SOURCE: BY JEAN MCNAIR, ASSOCIATED PRESS 
DATELINE: RICHMOND                          LENGTH:   66 lines

LESBIAN MOTHER GIVES UP FIGHT FOR SON THE GRANDMOTHER OF THE BOY, NOW 5, HAD CHARGED THAT HER DAUGHTER WAS UNFIT.

A lesbian abandoned a three-year legal battle for custody of her son Thursday, ending a case that angered gay rights activists and inspired plans for a television movie.

Sharon Bottoms withdrew her petition to obtain custody of Tyler Doustou, 5, leaving her mother, Kay Bottoms, as the boy's uncontested guardian.

``I'm happy,'' Kay Bottoms said during a recess in a hearing to decide visitation.

Sharon Bottoms' attorney, Donald K. Butler, said as the hearing started that she was dropping the custody fight. ``She just didn't want to go through this ordeal again,'' Butler told reporters after the hearing. Bottoms declined to comment.

Henrico County Circuit Court Judge Buford Parsons Jr. said he would issue an order on visitation before Tyler starts kindergarten next month.

Sharon Bottoms, 26, testified that she would like her son to visit her every weekend in the Henrico County apartment she shares with her lover, April Wade. The current visitation order allows Sharon Bottoms to see her son on Monday and Tuesday, but she must keep the boy away from her apartment and Wade.

``We are a family, April and I. When Tyler is there, I would like for him to see that,'' she said.

A psychologist, Dr. Arnold L. Stolberg, testified that Tyler would suffer no harm from seeing Sharon Bottoms and Wade hugging and kissing each other in an affectionate way.

He said he was more concerned that the boy would be harmed by the hostility between his mother and grandmother. Lawyers said the two women do not speak to each other. Sharon Bottoms and the boy's father are divorced, and the father has not been involved in the boy's upbringing.

Stolberg said Tyler cannot be kept from knowing about his mother's lesbian lifestyle because the case has received national attention.

``It will not be easy. But I don't think anything is going to be easy for this little boy,'' Stolberg said.

Kay Bottoms, who lives in Spotsylvania County, won custody of Tyler in March 1993 when a juvenile court judge ruled that Sharon Bottoms was an unfit mother because she and Wade engaged in oral sex, a felony in Virginia. Parsons upheld that ruling.

His ruling was overturned in 1994 by the Virginia Court of Appeals, which said homosexuality alone was not grounds for losing custody.

But last year, a sharply divided Virginia Supreme Court ruled that Sharon Bottoms should not have custody of Tyler.

``Living daily under conditions stemming from active lesbianism practiced in the home may impose a burden upon a child by reason of the `social condemnation' attached to such an arrangement,'' Justice A. Christian Compton wrote in the court's 4-3 ruling.

In February, Sharon Bottoms asked Henrico County Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court Judge William G. Boice to return Tyler to her because the boy was developing poorly with his grandmother. She also argued that her life has become more stable since she lost custody.

Boice rejected Sharon Bottoms' argument and criticized her for plans to help ABC make a movie about the case. ILLUSTRATION: ASSOCIATED PRESS

Sharon Bottoms, left, walks into court Thursday with April Wade.

Seeking visitation rights with her son, Bottoms said, ``We are a

family, April and I. . . . I would like for him to see that.''

KEYWORDS: LESBIAN HOMOSEXUAL CHILD CUSTODY by CNB