THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, August 23, 1996 TAG: 9608220162
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 07 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Over Easy
SOURCE: Jo-Ann Clegg
LENGTH: 76 lines
Much has been said and written in the last few years about this country's shrinking middle class.
The prevailing wisdom is that the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and those who tugged and stretched a pay check into lasting from one payday to another (with a tad left over for the offering plate and the savings account) are a disappearing breed.
Sadly, something similar is happening to children.
At one end of the spectrum they're being spoiled, pampered and overindulged. At the other they're being battered, beaten and ignored both physically and emotionally.
The child whose parents have (or take) the time to teach, love, praise, listen to and discipline - especially discipline - is becoming a rarity.
The disappearance of the happy, well-adjusted youngster whose needs are met, wants are examined and demands are ignored is a trend I've been following for several years now.
Never have I seen the problem brought to light more clearly than in a morning of shopping a couple of weeks ago.
Browsing through an aisle of athletic shoes in a sporting goods shop, I heard the shrieks of what appeared to be a child of 5 or 6 on the other side of the store.
The shrieks were so high-pitched that it was hard to make out the words. ``Stupid,'' ``need,'' and ``want'' were among the few that were intelligible. The shrieking was followed by a dull thud as something was sent crashing to the floor.
Curious to see what type of small child was causing such a commotion, I wandered in the direction of the sound.
What I found was not a small child at all, but a girl of about 11 or 12 picking out a pair of in-line skates. Two women, probably her mother and grandmother, were frantically pulling boxes from the shelves in the hope of finding something that satisfied her.
Finally they came across a pair that did not elicit furious shrieks from the youngster. At her command, the adults put them on her feet and laced them.
When they were finished, she jumped up with a triumphant look crossing her otherwise sullen face, then took off through the store at breakneck speed barely missing displays and shoppers as she went.
What she obviously needed was not a pair of expensive skates, but a good dose of discipline. The kind that teaches patience, courtesy, re spect and appreciation - the basics of social behavior.
The behavior was so outrageous that I wondered for a moment if the child suffered from a mental or emotional problem. Possibly, but I doubt it.
Even if there were such prob lems, 15 years of working in the mental health field taught me that all children, whether or not they are mentally ill, need to have limits set by responsible adults. This youngster obviously had no limits at all. As unacceptable as her behavior is now, it will only be worse as she moves into her teens.
Then the adults in her life, believing that they gave her everything she ever wanted, will wonder where they went wrong. The operable word here is ``thing,'' as in object. What the youngster needs and wants (whether she knows it or not) is an intangible, a set of standards and expectations by which to order her life.
A little later that morning, at a mall, I saw a youngster from the other end of the spectrum.
A boy, perhaps 10 years old, walked ahead of an immaculately dressed young woman. His head down, his thin shoulders drooping, he was obviously trying hard to fight back tears as the woman recited a litany of his faults.
Her words were cruel, cutting and loud enough for everyone within sight to hear.
``You are the stupidest, laziest, most miserable kid I ever saw in my life,'' she yelled. ``You're nothing but a drag on me. All you want to do is spend, spend, spend. You won't clean your room, you won't mow the lawn, you don't want to do nothin' but play. I'll tell you one thing,'' she continued, ``if your grades aren't better this year . . . ''
I ducked into a store to get away from the pitiful scene. I felt like shedding a few tears myself. Tears for those for whom no expectations are set.
Tears for those from whom everything is expected. And tears for the disappearance of those who deserve to be in that rapidly disappearing middle. by CNB