THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, August 26, 1996 TAG: 9608260225
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A6 EDITION: FINAL
LENGTH: 95 lines
Democrats used to campaign far better than Republicans because their hearts were in it. They wanted to win because they wanted to govern. They wanted to use tax dollars to help the little people, whether the little people wanted help or not. Republicans wanted to win merely to save the nation from Democrats.
Today, however, Republicans are the enthusiastic campaigners. They love to hate government and want to control Congress and the presidency in order to shrink government from Size 14 to Size 6 - without touching any program you like.
Over the past decade, Republican campaigners have gotten very good at using modern tools - like the telephone.
For example, on a whim we dialed 1-800-BOB-DOLE. Sure enough, we got a recorded message for Bob Dole. By then pushing 1, we heard how to join the ``Dole-for-President Team.'' By pressing 2, we learned how to contribute to Dole's campaign by phone.
At first we felt sorry for Bill Clinton, because he has too many letters in his name for a 1-800-number. Then it struck us: 1-800-CLI-NTON. We tried it. No such number.
As the Democratic Convention kicks off today, delegates perhaps should focus on the more-effective use of modern devices like telephones. Later they can move on to computers. Speaking of telephones
We know how the world will end.
Already, almost every company has reduced its payroll by having its phones answered by recorded messages instead of people. A typical message says, ``If you want this, press 1. If you want that, press 2. If you want this and that press 3. If you want this or that and are having a baby, press 4. If you need further assistance and believe recorded messages, stay on the line and someone will help you.''
The world will end when absolutely everybody, at the same time, is listening to options listed on recorded messages. The world will end because absolutely nothing is being accomplished.
We used to think the world would end when everybody everywhere attended meetings simultaneously. What next for New Kent County?
Bad news travels in groups.
Case in point: New Kent County.
First, the rural county between here and Richmond has watched prospects for a first-rate horse track dim. The county may get a dirt circle and a grandstand that are little more than fronts for hard-core gambling.
Now someone has stunted and damaged what surely would have been the largest pumpkin at the upcoming New Kent County Fair.
It weighed 300 pounds and was still expanding when somebody stole it from its vine alongside a road near Toano last week. Passersby had delighted in observing its magnificent growth. Children oooed and aaahed.
The pumpkin was dumped by the side of the road about half a mile away, never to grow again. It was bruised and presumably will not win a ribbon at the county fair.
A $100 reward has been offered for information leading to the arrest of the pumpkin thief or thieves.
Things can always get worse. Several years ago, a large number of skunks took up residence in and around downtown West Point, the county seat. The way things are going in New Kent County, the skunks will probably return, more foul-smelling than ever.
And then there probably will be locusts. It takes a Democrat
The Democratic Party gained power during the New Deal by doing things for people, but times have changed. What's a paternalistic party to do, asks Michael J. Sandel in The New Republic, when a nation is ``hungry for community but unwilling to abide restraint, yearning for moral purpose but in no mood for sacrifice?''
According to Sandel, the Clinton administration has figured out an answer. ``Don't impose moral restraints on adults; impose them on children. What V-chips, curfews, school uniforms and campaigns against truancy, teenage pregnancy and underage smoking have in common is that they all address people's anxieties about the erosion of moral authority by attending to the moral character of their children. Clinton's politics of virtue avoids the objection of paternalism by becoming, strictly speaking, paternal.'' Lend us your ears
One hundred years ago, most Americans were farmers. Today, only a tiny percentage work the land, and we're inclined to take cheap and abundant food for granted.
But a wake-up call is coming. We are still all tied to the land as higher prices rippling through the economy will demonstrate. Last year's corn crop was small. That doesn't seem like a big deal, but it turns out that 65 percent of the food budget is tied to the price of corn, largely because of its importance as feed.
Pork is cornfed so the price of bacon, ham, sausage and chops is affected. Chicken, too, which means higher prices for the legs but also the eggs. Dairy cows eat corn, so up go milk, cheese, yogurt, ice cream. And 50 cents of every dollar in the price of beef is tied to the price of corn. In short, we all have ample reason to hope Kansas is corny in August. by CNB