THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, September 1, 1996 TAG: 9608280050
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K4 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: REAL MOMENTS
SOURCE: BY JASPER SHORT JR.
LENGTH: 78 lines
WITH ANOTHER football season on the horizon and my daughter nearing her first birthday, I can't help but think back to this time last year and forever link the two together.
Standing in the birthing room of the hospital as my wife's pains intensified, and my daughter's birth neared, I desperately attempted to recall the breathing patterns we learned in Lamaze class, but found myself being lured by the lowly Washington Redskins, who were playing on the television in her room.
An avid football fan since childhood, I rarely missed a televised game, not even ones that showcased the dreaded 'Skins. The mere sight of their burgundy and white jerseys nearly made me ill, yet the hope of them getting smashed into the turf made me look on with the anticipation of a child on Christmas morning.
Despite Carla's obvious preoccupation with her labor, I, even at this delicate moment, prayed for the anemic Tampa Bay Buccaneers to pulverize the ``Deadskins.'' It wasn't that I found a game to be more important than the birth of our first child. Simply put, the Redskins and I had a history, a dark history.
With the possible exception of the Boston Celtics, its seemed like all of my biggest disappointments involving sports centered on the Redskins. They were my albatross.
Although they were now a pitiful excuse for a team, as I watched I could still see the days of Billy Kilmer, delivering one wobbly pass after another to Charlie Taylor. I could see Sonny Jurgensen hobbling up to the line of scrimmage, handing the ball off to Larry Brown. I could feel the pain they inflicted from stopping my once beloved Dallas Cowboys from reaching the Super Bowl.
How dare they play during my daughter's ``coming into the world'' party!
As Carla's doctor walked into the room, bringing me back to reality, she informed us that ``it was time.'' Carla began to push. Shamelessly, I occasionally glanced back to the TV that was mounted near the ceiling.
I couldn't fathom my daughter entering this world and resting her initial sight on the Redskins. The possibility of her being cursed through life for having been born as the 'Skins played in our presence loomed largely on my mind. ``Why did Jada have to be born on a Sunday afternoon?'' I thought to myself.
With Carla's every push, my imagination started to take over. I saw my little girl years from now with Kilmer's mug, Jurgensen's spindly legs, and an ego as big as Joe Theismann's. I saw her living in a house like that one in Amityville, and getting lost in the television like the little girl in Poltergeist.
``Stop!'' I yelled out, `this can't happen,'' as I raced over to the television and turned it off without anyone missing a beat. Resuming my position at her side, I now felt better about the situation.
Moments later, after expending all of her energy, Carla delivered our baby girl into the world. Thankful that we were now the proud parents of a healthy child, there was one thing left that I had to do.
As I approached the nurse who held Jada, I hesitantly looked into my daughter's face, afraid that the TV may have stayed on a little too long. Focusing in on her, I didn't see Kilmer's dastardly mug. No, I happily saw a little mouth and nose that resembled her mom's and dad's. Once again I was thankful.
Giving Jada to her mommy, I found myself glancing at her legs and noticing that they were somewhat thin. In fact, you could even describe them as spindly.
Feeling my anger starting to surge like I'd felt on so many previous Sundays as the 'Skins played, I was dumbfounded. Jurgensen had struck again!
But before I became too upset, a thought occurred to me. Maybe, just maybe, this could turn out to be not so bad after all. I mean, spindly legs had worked for Jurgensen, why not for Jada?
With that thought in mind, I decided to go to the sporting goods store to purchase a football. Because who knows, in 20 years or so, maybe women will be playing, and perhaps there will be another spindly-legged quarterback in the league.
But this time, it won't be for the Redskins - I can promise you that! MEMO: Jasper Short lives in Portsmouth and is a frequent contributor to
Real Life. He'll be rooting for the Eagles to beat the Deadskins today. by CNB