THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, September 3, 1996 TAG: 9608310073
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E4 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY MATTHEW BOWERS, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: 86 lines
SHINY NEW sneakers? Check.
Sharpened No. 2 pencils? Check.
Fresh box of breakfast cereal? Check.
Ready for the new school year?
Not so fast.
For students - wide-eyed kindergarteners to wise old high-school seniors - there's more to getting ready for school than buying Reeboks, Ticonderogas and Rice Krispies.
Some children might be worried about the big First Day, or about entering a new school, or about returning to the scene of the disappointing Ds from last year.
Others might be troubled by suddenly having to get out of bed before noon, or by the prospect of sitting indoors listening to a lecture on sound waves rather than lounging outdoors watching the waves on Albemarle Sound.
Tips for preparing your children's minds and hearts for school revolve around two verbs: ``talk'' and ``listen.''
``The biggest thing you can do to prepare them emotionally is the conversations you have with them,'' said Milton R. Liverman, assistant superintendent of instruction and curriculum for the Suffolk Public Schools and a parent. ``It's pep-rally time, really.''
Talk about the coming school year, about your children's goals, about their teachers and friends, about ground rules for homework - when and where it must get done - about guidelines for coming home alone after school (if that's the case) and even about mealtimes and bedtimes.
Children should be consulted about bedtime and homework time, added Alice L. Twining, a clinical psychologist at the Wellspring Psychotherapy Center in Virginia Beach. ``They're more likely to go along with it if they've had some input.''
``They need to have as stable a routine as possible,'' Liverman concurred. ``You need to establish it - it needs to be agreed on.''
Liverman also suggests making school-supply shopping a ``big deal'' family event. Liverman suggests going ahead and buying some new pencils, even when there are perfectly good ones at home.
``You're going to use them all'' eventually, he said. ``You just want to start fresh.''
And even if you can't get to it until after school starts, visit your children's schools and meet their teachers as soon as possible, the educator urged. It makes a difference in children's attitudes and actions when they know that their parents know their teachers - and vice versa.
To determine those attitudes, listen to your children's comments, complaints and silence, Twining said. If they're concerned about school, don't try to talk them out of it, but accept their concerns as real and discuss them.
If they're returning after a rough school year, ask them what they learned about handling their studies, remind them of the feedback teachers gave them, and emphasize their strengths.
If they just don't like giving up their summer fun, tell them you understand, but too bad - school is their job, something they have to do to prepare for being adults.
``Try and put it in a positive way, but say, `This is the way it is. And we still have weekends,' '' Twining said.
Despite such groundwork, some children will have more trouble adjusting than others. Parents should notice the signs: Not wanting to talk about school. Not eating or sleeping normally. Behaving badly. Regressing to bed-wetting. Biting nails.
School is serious stuff to kids. In August, an overweight 12-year-old Florida boy hanged himself rather than return to school to face the renewed taunts of classmates.
``If it takes more than six weeks, I would really say they are not adjusting, and maybe they'd want to talk to the school counselor,'' Twining said.
Again, talking's the key - with your children, with their teachers, with other school staff.
``Sometimes, it's just a matter of personalities,'' Twining added. ``Sometimes there's just a really bad match between a teacher and student, and sometimes they need a transfer to another fourth-grade class.'' MEMO: TIPS FOR PARENTS
Prepare your children for return to school:
Talk about goals for the new school year.
Agree on homework and bedtime routines.
Visit schools. Meet teachers.
Listen to the children's concerns. Seek counseling if necessary.
Be honest. Tell them school's their job, and there's no getting out
of it.
Sources: Milton R. Liverman, assistant superintendent, Suffolk Public
Schools, and Alice L. Twining, clinical psychologist, Virginia Beach. by CNB