THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, September 13, 1996 TAG: 9609130056
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Jennifer Dziura
LENGTH: 62 lines
THE DIRTY WORK in Aldous Huxley's ``Brave New World'' was done by what experts are now calling ``supertwins.'' A single fertilized egg would be split into 80 or 90 little fertilized egg bits. These potential laborers would then be inserted into bottles, destined to hatch into 80 or 90 identical siblings.
Just as groups that might be called ``centituplets'' were commonplace in Huxley's world, the United States has seen an explosion of womb-sharers since the 1970s. ``Smithsonian'' magazine reported this month that fertility treatments are responsible for the booming population of twins, triplets, quadruplets, and quintuplets. Remarkably, there are about 40 sets of quints in the United States today.
Now, look at the sentence you just read. I said ``sets'' of quints. And I'm not even being insensitive - that's just the proper terminology. It seems to me, however, that referring to five children as a ``set'' is sort of like comparing them to, say, Star Trek collectibles. Having a set of quints is sort of like being able to say, ``Look, I've got Picard, Riker, Data, Troi and Geordi - the whole set!'' Or, if your quints are identical, ``Look, I've got five Picards - the whole set.''
Another issue that might end up being a carbuncle on the epidermis of America is supertwins' potential lawsuits. Many twins, for example, report ``sympathetic injuries'' - as in, if Harvey falls down, then Harold, who is safely in his crib, gets a bruise as well.
If a set of quints contained one particularly risky member - say, a quint who liked to perform the sort of daringly athletic feats often portrayed on Mountain Dew commercials - then the rest of his siblings could sue for ``sympathetic abuse.'' After all, I imagine that four people who routinely wake up feeling like their shoulders have been dislocated could get rather angry at whichever quint has been going over waterfalls in barrels.
On the other hand, an optimist might choose to look at supertwins' very useful effect on the movie industry. Infant characters are often played by twins; two 2-year-olds generally have about one attention span between them. With a growing number of quadruplets, however, more movies can be made with twins as characters.
In Alabama last month, the first American set of male quintuplets was born. Just think - if they had made their debut 30 years earlier, ``Mulitiplicity'' could have been filmed without any special effects.
Burgeoning numbers of supertwins also create a business opportunity for Hallmark - group birthday cards, which could contain such captions as ``To my five great-granddaughters on their seventh birthday.'' This would prevent Great-Grandmother from either having to select five different cards at once or just attacking with Wite-Out a card meant for a single great-granddaughter.
Just as ``Smithsonian'' points out, the problems of being a supertwin can be even worse then having to share a womb smaller than most buckets with three or four other people. The famous Dionne quints of Canada, for example, were a living sideshow, their playground enclosed by glass walls so people could stare. But, in a shameless pun, you can make quints without breaking some eggs. MEMO: Jennifer Dziura is a 1996 graduate of Cox High School who is
leaving this week for Dartmouth College. She will file occasional
dispatches from there during the school year. If you'd like to comment
on her column, call INFOLINE at 640-5555 and enter category 6778 or
write to her at 4565 Virginia Beach Blvd., Virginia Beach, Va. 23462. by CNB