THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, October 26, 1996 TAG: 9610250071
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E6 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: 71 lines
HALLOWEEN IS only a week away, and here comes Mr. Pumpkin to answer questions from boys and girls about that special night of the year.
Dear Mr. Pumpkin,
Last year I went trick-or-treating with my mom, and it was a bummer. I only got a handful of M & Ms, two lousy Tootsie Rolls, a bunch of grapes and a stale piece of cinnamon toast after knocking on doors in my costume for two hours. I'd like to do better this year. Any ideas?
David L., age 7, Chesapeake
Dear David,
Frankly, David, there are a lot of adults who buy candy for Halloween and save all of it for themselves. That's why they don't answer the door.
This Halloween, let your dad accompany you on your rounds. Carry along a tape recording of a bulldozer in high gear and a megaphone.If nobody answers the bell, just stand by the door and yell: ``We know you are in there eating candy corn and Milk Duds that are rightfully mine! If you don't open up in one minute, my dad is going to break your door down with his Caterpillar!'' Then turn on the recording.
Dear Mr. P,
I would like some advice about what to wear at Halloween. I want to wear a Hunchback of Notre Dame costume or go as one of the Seven Dwarfs, but my friends say neither one is politically correct. What do you think? I'd like to dress up as something colorful.
Ralph T, age 8, Virginia Beach
Dear Ralph,
Your little friends are probably right. The Hunchback and Dwarf Protection League would either sue or write a mean letter about you to the newspaper. Have you thought of going as the Quarterback of Notre Dame? He would be black and blue after being whipped by the Air Force. So be sure and wear lots of makeup. If you are wedded to the idea of a Catholic costume, you might consider going as the singing nun, if your voice hasn't changed. On the other hand, if color is what you are after, you might think of going as the aurora borealis (just set your underwear on fire and dance around a lot. People will get the idea.)
Dear Pumpkin,
I am invited to a costume Halloween party where there is going to be a tub filled with water for apple bobbing. Last year, I tried apple bobbing and didn't like it because your head goes underwater. I felt like I was drowning. And the apple I got had a worm in it? What should I do?''
Susan H, age 6, Norfolk
Dear Susan,
You might try going to the party as Snorkel Woman, unless you find wearing a diving mask is claustrophobic or something. That way you could simply snare an apple with your diving spear. If the apples look wormy, you might tell your host you read in People magazine that bobbing for bagels was very popular this year.
Dear Mr. Pumpkin,
Our kindergarten teacher has been reading stories to us from ``The Arabian Nights'' that are pretty neat. I think I'd like to dress up like an Arabian lady for Halloween and wear a veil, a loose-fitting dress, a head scarf and slippers. Is that OK?
Gwen, age 5, Portsmouth
Dear Gwen,
Get a grip, sweetheart. No, it is not OK. Do you realize that with a costume like that you might easily be mistaken for a Muslim woman and be subject to immediate arrest by a Portsmouth policeman? Would you like to be handcuffed and dragged away to a police station - possibly the victim of a sexual assault?
That's what happened to a pair of women of the Islamic faith a few weeks back. And they were dressed the way you intend to dress on Halloween night! Trust me, Gwen, you'd be safer trying a less dangerous costume. How about going as Saddam Hussein . . . or the Unabomber? by CNB