THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, November 3, 1996 TAG: 9611030033
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: ELIZABETH SIMPSON
LENGTH: 64 lines
I am a first wife.
I'm also an only wife - so far, that is - but that didn't stop me from joining the droves of women who made ``The First Wives Club'' a box office hit.
I have, after all, been dumped before, so I could relate.
The movie has a nice little revenge plot running through it: Women made miserable by men make them miserable in return.
If you haven't already seen this movie, a note of caution: Husbands and boyfriends are best left at home.
That way you can laugh out loud when one wife arranges for her ex-husband to be tied up and thrown in a meat locker until he agrees to give her money she's due. And you can cheer on another wife, who uses her daughter to spy on her ex, so that she can take over his firm. And applaud the third one, who confiscates all her ex-hubbie's furniture so she can open a women's center.
The scenes are very gratifying for anyone who's ever been dumped. No more going back home to lick your wounds. No more begging to be taken back into hubbie's arms. No more self-flagellation over the new, and younger, woman who's taken your place.
This movie is not just about getting on with your life, it's about ruining his.
``First Wives'' is not the first women-getting-revenge film to hit the big screen. Last year, Hollywood gave us ``Waiting to Exhale,'' which delighted women and dismayed men.
Who can forget the scene where the spurned wife gathers up all her husband's clothes, throws them in his convertible and sets the whole thing on fire?
It was a moment that will go down in movie history.
For women, that is.
And before ``Waiting to Exhale'' we had ``Thelma and Louise,'' where two women decide not to be pushed around by men anymore. And load guns to prove they mean business.
These movies are immensely satisfying when the lights are down. But when I leave the theater and try to explain to my husband what the movies were about, I can never find the right words.
So I say the one thing that I know won't invite follow-up questions. ``Oh, you know, it was a chick flick.''
That's when I realize there's something about these movies that makes me uneasy: These women's lives are still revolving around men.
Revenge keeps them tied to their ex-husbands, even if it's to bring the men to their knees. The First Wives, for instance, plot, spy and practically stalk these guys.
As long as their every breath is centered on getting back at their exes, they're as dependent on them as they ever were. Getting your due is one thing, exacting revenge is another.
If the genders were reversed, we'd greet these movies with indignation, and call the ex-husbands petty, vindictive and, yes, abusive. The same should hold true for women, or we're setting up a double standard that women have spent the last century trying to tear down.
In the dark of a theater, the revenge theme can be good for a few laughs and, yes, create a nice glow of satisfaction inside our bruised egos. But in the light of real life, revenge does more harm than good.
As someone who's been the designated dumpee a fair number of times, I have found that the best, and sweetest, revenge is this:
Don't look back. by CNB