THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1997, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, January 5, 1997 TAG: 9701040030
SECTION: COMMENTARY PAGE: J5 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Opinion
SOURCE: MARGARET EDDS
DATELINE: RICHMOND LENGTH: 80 lines
Listening to the welfare-reform debate in the Virginia General Assembly two years ago, Marylin Copeland measured the rhetoric against her own experience in dealing with needy families.
``I knew it was going to take more than they were talking about,'' said Copeland, program director for Big Brothers Big Sisters of South Hampton Roads and the wife of a former Norfolk delegate. ``I knew it was going to take people closer to the problem to make it work.''
Copeland's response was to start developing plans for a mentoring program that, in Big Brothers Big Sisters fashion, will match women trying to escape welfare with a person willing to help them.
The idea, which is awaiting funding, is drawing an enthusiastic response from human-services officials in Richmond and holds promise of burgeoning into a national effort if it succeeds.
This is a wonderful concept for several reasons. Bridging the gap between the poor and the middle class is in some ways the most fundamental problem in American society. To the extent that it can be done, each group benefits.
For the poor, there should be a deepened awareness of how the middle class operates, as well as the support of a friend. For those who mentor, there should be a more realistic appreciation of the complexities of life on the margins.
Mentoring a welfare family can also be a daunting challenge, however. Those who consider it should understand that escaping poverty is seldom so easy as waking up one morning and saying, ``Oh, well, now I think I'll go to work.''
``One thing you can guarantee in working with the poor is that it won't work out like you expect it to,'' said Scott Oostdyk, the state's deputy secretary of Health and Human Resources.
He speaks from experience. Heavily involved for years in mentoring both children and poor families, Oostdyk is familiar with the rewards and the risks. The ideal mentor, he said, is ``not someone who gets excited watching someone follow all the rules.''
Odds are, if you're heavily invested in specific outcomes, you'll be disappointed. ``You need someone who really gets excited about watching someone else grow,'' Oostdyk added.
The growth may be slower and the directions in which it occurs less predictable than idealists would hope. Working with a family can also be more involving than working with a single child. Problems often escalate with numbers. And failure may be more ingrained, with more concrete ramifications, in an adult than in a child.
``You need to be aware that you're not going to get the same warm and fuzzies,'' Oostdyk said.
Caveats aside, individuals or churches or civic groups willing to take the plunge can do so with the hope of contributing a tiny piece to the making of a cultural revolution. Whether or not you agree that the revolution is necessary or wise, you can also be assured that your involvement will give someone greater hope of success.
There are several benefits to the time-honored, Big Brothers Big Sisters way of mentoring. First, candidates for mentors are carefully screened and they are trained. It's important to know where to draw boundaries in a mentoring relationship, and the training can help set parameters.
Second, each partner signs an agreement outlining responsibilities and limits. In this case, Copeland expects that mentors will commit at least two to four hours a week for a year. A trained social worker will monitor progress.
That's not the only model for mentoring. Oostdyk works with a church-based organization called Strategies To Elevate People (STEP). Small groups of three to five people are paired with a poor family and commit to a specific number of contacts each month, including a shared meal.
For mentors, sharing responsibility can help ease the angst of taking on someone else's troubles. The most sobering prospect is that the demand for mentors may far outstrip the supply. Copeland's initial proposals call for serving 50 people in Norfolk, 25 in Virginia Beach.
At the end of November, there were 5,148 recipients of Aid to Families with Dependent Children in Norfolk and 2,389 in Virginia Beach. Add in Chesapeake, Portsmouth and Suffolk, and the number soars to about 13,100.
Ready or not, many of those clients will have to start working for their benefits next fall. After two years, the checks will stop. The lucky ones will have what most people in the middle class often rely on: a mentor to occasionally point the way or to shore them up while they're finding their own direction. MEMO: Ms. Edds is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot.