THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1997, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, February 8, 1997 TAG: 9702070095
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E5 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Issues of Faith
SOURCE: Betsy Wright
LENGTH: 71 lines
Last Week's Issue of Faith: Surviving the loss of a child.
This Week's Reader Response:
From Suzanne Tate of Nags Head, N.C.: ``I am a survivor! I have survived a broken neck, cancer, the death of my son and recent bypass surgery, in that order.
``You are correct when you write that the loss of a child is horrific, for that event by far was the most difficult for me to survive.
``How does one get through such a loss? For me, it was finding a totally new direction. I began writing books for children. From the beginning, I have felt led to include a good message in each story - my ministry, perhaps?
``Losing my son has also led me to love all the children I encounter. I feel as if it is an opportunity that might suddenly be snatched away from me.
``The best thing that I can say to grieving parents is that someday you will find a peace when you can accept that your loss did occur. At first one is insulated by grief, and it is difficult to accept that such a terrible event in your life has really happened,'' but when this realization comes, so will your peace.
From Pamela Baum of Virginia Beach: ``My son died in a drowning accident in 1975. He was just 4 years old. It was the most devastating, painful experience of my life. I was angry, especially at God.
``My son's funeral service was presided over by a minister who seemed to be having a very difficult time getting through the service. He was new to me, as I had just moved to this town, and I was unaware that he, too, had lost a 4-year-old child many years before. His strength and courage in handling the service for me was my first encouragement from God.
``As time passed, my (continued) encouragement came from friends, relatives and business acquaintances who blessed me with their love and kindness. One day I realized that I would not have traded one moment with my son, would not have chosen to not have him, but that I was blessed to have known him for the four years he was with me . . . Only God could have brought me out of the devastation and pain and into that realization.
``(Sunday), February 2, was my son's birthday. He would be 26 years old. I bless the day he was born and cherish each and every moment I was given with him.''
From Mary Less Gilliland of Virginia Beach: ``Often times life can be more painful than death. Our son all but left us due to an automobile accident and has been totally paralyzed for over six years. He can only move his head and can no longer swallow food or liquids, or speak. We feel that he is aware, but due to considerable brain damage he cannot communicate other than by blinking his eyes or looking up or down, which does not always happen. He must remain in a reclining position since he cannot sit up on his own. Imagine not being able to scratch one's nose or tell someone of a pain one may be experiencing.
``We live with pain and heartache that will never subside. Our son dies every day. If he were to physically die now, which could very well be his preference, it would be difficult to give him up, but his suffering would be over.
``I have never blamed God for any tragedies in my life, including the suicide of my first husband. I have been blessed with a wonderful and supportive second husband who does everything for my son and therefore, for me. My faith is what has sustained me through all of this.''
From Robin L. Cowherd of Norfolk: ``I, too, was troubled by the deaths (mentioned last week), but I continue to find inspiring the faith of many who have suffered such deep loss. I have seen incredible strength from people who have sudden loss of close family members, including children. Bill Cosby's performance last week, only weeks after the loss of his son, demonstrates he, like others I have known, have a deep understanding of self, along with a faith that sustains them as they move forward. Your perspective helped me better define my feelings about these difficult issues.
``Also, as the parent of adolescent daughters, I have been blessed not to have suffered such deep loss, so your thoughts on `letting go' and being present in spirit were helpful.''