DATE: Thursday, September 11, 1997          TAG: 9709110004

SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B11  EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: Opinion

SOURCE: PATRICK LACKEY

                                            LENGTH:   83 lines

LIFE LESSONS SOME ADVICE FOR THE LOVELORN, THE FORLORN AND THE WELL-WORN

Hello. I'm Dr. Love Nice, adviser to singles on matters of romance.

Singles should heed my advice. Marrieds should read my advice if only to be glad they're not singles.

Today's subject is: How to fall in love with the right person. Or as important: How not to fall in love with the wrong person.

Lesson one: Be aware that love can strike without warning at any instant, binding you to someone for the rest of your life. At that instant, it is best to be holding hands with someone whose company you can stand, and preferably enjoy, forever.

Lesson two: The perfect mate must be good at those essential living skills that you lack, possibly money management or home repairs or cooking. Better if you possess living skills your mate lacks. One or the other of you should be able to balance the check book and fix a toilet and tell salespeople at the door to get lost. Together, you should be adequate.

Lesson three: The two worst places to meet a mate are the bar and the moon. The reason is that you are not going to spend your lives together in the bar or on the moon. Maybe the guy looks great in a space suit. Maybe the gal lights up a bar. In life, however, other things matter more than outer space and bar skills.

Lesson four: People are best met in places where they will act as naturally as single people are capable of acting.

Which brings me to an Associated Press article in the Tuesday Virginian-Pilot that turned my mind to the problem that singles have pairing up. The story described a supermarket in Arlington that has singles night on Thursdays. Each single makes a $5 contribution, which usually goes to a local arts group. Each single is issued a white button on which to write his or her name and glittery stickers to announce hobbies.

The article never mentions astrological signs. Presumably a conversation at the supermarket begins something like this: ``Oh, I see ordinary lettuce isn't good enough for you. What is your sign?''

If I were single, I'd ask one of these huge home-repair stores to sponsor singles nights. Admission would cost 10 nails and a board, or something like that. When I saw a woman there with a name button, I'd point out to her one of the zillion tools on the shelves and say something clever like, ``What do you suppose that sucker's for?''

When I found a woman who knew the answer, I'd ask for her astrological sign.

Because my father always rented houses and landlords fixed things, I never progressed beyond hammers, pliers and screw drivers. Power saw? Forget it. Wrench? Maybe I own two.

Once I made a toilet stop running. I bent down the wire to the flotation bulb, so the bulb rested lower in the water. The gurgling sound stopped. The architect who designed London Bridge couldn't have been prouder.

Usually at our house, however, tough repair jobs are tackled by my wife or they're not tackled at all.

Other businesses should follow the Arlington supermarket's lead. Banks should have singles evenings. Also stock brokers and car garages. The possibilities are endless, because living requires so many skills.

Shared interests are as important as unshared skills. Bookstores should have singles nights. Perhaps one night for for poets, another for history buffs and so on. The Tides should have a singles night. Also the Admirals and the Virginia Symphony.

Dear Abby recommends that singles meet at churches. That's good for people of faith, though it's bad form to ask someone his or her astrological sign during the sermon. I met my wife at a church.

Many women never go to a Laundromat looking like less than a million bucks, though men there tend to have on the last clean items they own.

A terrific way for singles to meet is through volunteer activities. Dozens of Harborfest volunteers, if not hundreds, met while putting on Harborfest and later married. Fest-events Director Karen Scherberger can tick off the names of her volunteers who met and married while helping their city.

``Volunteering for an event brings out the best in an individual,'' she said, ``and others get to see that. They realize quickly what you care about and your energy level. It's a safe environment to meet people. You are not forced into a situation where you have to make a decision if you like that person or don't like that person.''

Yes, nothing unites like a common cause, and when that common cause is doing good, so much the better.

In Hampton Roads, the people who find spots for volunteers are at the Volunteer Connection, 624-2400.

And that's all for today from Dr. Love Nice. Have a Nice day. MEMO: Mr. Lackey is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot.

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